This isn’t even close to news, but Tara Reid was spotted in Hollywood with a striped shirt looking relatively okay. Exciting, isn’t it? You paid for your whole seat but you’ll only need the edge!

Original post by Suzi

Bam Margera (the jackass from Jackass) apparently has a huge mural of Lance Bass in his garage. Recent visitors to his home say:

“There’s a big portrait of Lance in an astronaut uniform, smiling broadly and holding his helmet proudly. In the background is a NASA shuttle ascending to space on a giant rainbow.” Margera confirmed it was Bass to friends, saying: “Hell yeah! The guy from ‘N Sync who wanted to go to outer space, but never made it and was all gay and shit!”

There’s nothing more inspirational than Lance Bass’s heroic story of being in a boy band and wanting, but failing, to go into outer space. I’m surprised it isn’t painted on the White House. I heard they were thinking of building a Lance Bass museum over Rosa Parks’ grave, but they were afraid it would be too inspirational and the nation would constantly be in tears.

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Original post by Suzi

Halle Berry tells Parade magazine she tried to commit suicide over her failed first marriage by trying to “gas” herself. She says:

“I was sitting in my car, and I knew the gas was coming when I had an image of my mother finding me. She sacrificed so much for her children, and to end my life would be an incredibly selfish thing to do. It was all about a relationship. My sense of worth was so low. I promised myself I would never be a coward again.”

It’s always sad when beautiful people try to take their own lives. I got pretty depressed once because I finished a delicious sandwich and wanted more, so I tried to kill myself by picking a fight with a gang of hoodlums. Unfortunately my intstincts kicked in and I beat them all up, but the moral of the story is: beating up hoodlums and taking their money is a great way to get sandwich money.

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Original post by Suzi

Rose McGowan reportedly warned her female co-stars not to wear red to the LA premiere of Grindhouse so her dress wouldn’t be upstaged. A source says:

“It caused quite a stir. The feeling is she’s self-obsessed.” Among the beauties ordered to do without red were Rosario Dawson, Jordan Ladd and Sydney Tamiia Poitier. But McGowan was in for a rude surprise when two minor cast members, twins Elise and Electra Avellan, paraded into the theater in bright red outfits. “It was basically a ‘[Bleep] you!’ to Rose,” said the source.

Her dress actually looks pretty good, which is too bad because it would’ve been ironic if it looked stupid as hell. Like if she was freaking out and yelling at everybody not to wear red and really her dress was actually a tomato costume or something.

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Original post by Suzi

Jennifer Love Hewitt was spotted at Universal Studios with her boyfriend getting harrassed by a clown. There are only two things I’m certain of in this world: 1) my abs make steel look like Play-Doh and 2) clowns are the physical manifestation of evil. I’m surprised Jennifer Love Hewitt held it together long enough to pretend to be amused. If I was her there would’ve been a fist-shaped hole going through the clown’s chest and my closed palm squeezing a still pumping heart.

Original post by Suzi

Christina Aguilera was spotted leaving the Mercer hotel in New York over the weekend looking like some sort of crazy bag lady. What the hell is going on in these pictures? She’s got her face covered, her hair is done up like a 60-year-old cafeteria lady, she’s walking her dogs, and she’s got a pillow, just in case she needs to take a nap on the street. I’m trying to come up with a scenario where all of this would make sense, but all I can picture is her trying to fight crime and beating people with her pillow as she’s yelling, “Beware criminals! Bag Lady fights for justice! And knitting!”

Original post by Suzi

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are reportedly set to get matching nose jobs and have both reportedly consulted Beverly Hills plastic surgeon Dr. Raj Kanodia about the surgery. An insider says:

“Ashley has always thought her nose was a little too big, so she wanted to get it done. When she talked to her sister about it, she loved the idea.” There has been speculation in the past that the mini-moguls have already had their features tweaked under the knife. “They both love changing their looks,” a friend tells ITW. “They thought this would make them look more polished.”

More polished? It’s gonna take a hell of a lot more than a nose job to fix whatever’s wrong with these two. Can they do face transplants yet? I saw in a movie once where they swapped John Travolta’s face with Nicolas Cage’s face and then they switched identities and had to shoot a bunch of people and blow stuff up. I think it was called Cinderella II: Dreams Come True.

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Original post by Suzi