Paris Hilton was in an MTV comedy sketch about getting pulled over for a DUI, but last week her lawyers threatened to sue the network if they don’t pull it from tomorrow’s episode of “ShortCircuitz.”

In the sketch - which was included on a copy of the show sent to TV critics last week - the action shifts from salesgirl Paris to “real-life” situations in which people look to their bracelets for advice. In one instance, a leggy blonde in a short skirt is busted for drunken driving. After checking her Hilton bracelet, she starts grinding on one of the cops as if he were a stripper pole. “I can’t arrest you, you’re too fabulous,” says the officer. A few months ago, Hilton agreed to poke fun at herself and appear in the sketch, which was filmed at her house on Jan. 4, a source told Page Six.

It’s hard to believe Paris Hilton actually cares about how the public sees her. She’s so ridiculous most people probably don’t even believe she’s a real person anymore, and just some new character being written for Family Guy.

Source

Original post by Suzi

John Travolta made an emergency landing in his private Boeing 707 after it experienced engine problems. He was flying by himself from Germany to New York after a TV appearance when he had to make an emergecny landing at Shannon Airport in Ireland. A source says:

“If he hadn’t made it to Shannon, it could have been the end of him. You could tell that he was very relieved.”

In case you’re curious, his Boeing 707 has three dining rooms and seats 179 people. So, yeah, it’s a good thing he took it out to fly all by himself. Can you imagine if he was seen flying a reasonably sized personal jet? Man, that would’ve been so embarrassing.

Source

Original post by Suzi

Halle Berry received her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame yesterday and decided she’d try to make love to it. Sure, when she does it everybody takes pictures and applauds, but when I do it suddenly the police are involved and I have to “put my pants back on” and “stop making a scene.”

Original post by Suzi

While hammering out the details of their divorce, Star magazine reports Britney Spears said to Kevin Federline: “You’re the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, but thank you for my babies.” Star is also reporting that K-Fed is going to get $13 million in the divorce, way more than the $1 million sum that was previously reported. Other details of the divorce are:

• A 2004 pre-nup called for K-Fed to get $250,000 for each year of their marriage, but Spears upped that figure to $500,000 to speed up the negotiations.
• He receives half the proceeds from their Malibu mansion, which is on the market for $13.5 million.
• $25,000 a month in child support for each of the couple’s two children until they reach 18. He also gets custody of the boys four days a week.
• Federline gets to keep all the gifts Spears bought them during their marriage.
• He’s forbidden from writing a tell-all about their marriage.

I know Britney Spears had a breakdown, but she must’ve murdered somebody in rehab for the judge to award K-Fed more than 50% custody of the children. And what kind of insane child support requires $25,000 a month? I mean, yeah, solid gold diapers are important, but I dunno if I’d say they were a necessity.

Source

Original post by Suzi

Ron Jeremy could face battery charges after a woman filed a police report saying he grabbed her boob and signed it without her permission. The woman asked Ron for an autograph at the Exotica porn convention in Miami Beach, and he allegedly “reached towards the victim and stuck his hands under victim’s blouse. [He then] reached inside her bra and grabbed her nipple. He pulled the nipple up and took out victim’s breast and signed his name on it.” Ron responds:

“First of all, there was security around me at all times. If they had a problem, why wouldn’t they have said something at that point? I probably signed about 150 boobs that weekend, all of which I sign ‘RJ with a heart’ and if I would’ve touched a breast, I might have cupped it while I signed. Rules of the convention were that you can not expose a breast, so I never did. And if this was a couple, I always ask permission of the male to sign the breast before I do it. Some people waited an hour for me to sign their breast. My line was second only to Jenna Jameson’s.”

How do you ask Ron Jeremy for an autograph and not expect your breasts to be fondled? It’d be like asking Mr. T for an autograph and being surprised when he told you to stay in school and drink your milk, and then started off on a tangent about pitying fools.

Source

Original post by Suzi

The Bourne Ultimatum One-Sheet
There’s only one thing I look for in a movie poster, and that’s the back of Matt Damon’s head.

Transformers Fighting/Squatting
The only thing hotter than lesbians is giant transforming robots fighting it out.

8-bit Tie
Finally a tie for the profesionnal geek.

Original post by Suzi