Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz were spotted at Tao yesterday night. Remember when Jenna Jameson used to be hot and didn’t look like an anorexic tranny? Those were good times. Simpler times. Times when men had handlebar mustaches and challenged each other to duels by slapping each other in the face with their glove. Plus nobody spoke and everything was in black and white. Yeah, my knowledge of history basically consists of whatever I saw in a movie one time.

A bunch more of Jenna Jameson growing a Tara Reid stomach after the jump.

Original post by Suzi

Mary-Kate Olsen was spotted making out with her boyfriend Max Snow at a hockey game. I’m a little shocked he’s an actual human being though. I always pictured her boyfriend to be some guys clothes stuffed with straw. Or a mop with a face drawn on. I wasn’t aware there were actual living men willing to put their mouth to hers.

A bunch more of Mary-Kate making out after the jump.

Original post by Suzi

Lindsay Lohan was spotted at Katsuya showing off her pistol necklace and bra. And when I say showing off I mean showing off. She has no idea how to be subtle. Most people don’t have to prove they’re wearing a bra, and if they do, they usually don’t do it by just leaving their shirt completely unbuttoned. This is the kind of bitch that donates to charity with a press release and oversized novelty check, and then says: “I do it for the children.” And yeah, that’s a completely hypothetical scenario, because Lindsay Lohan’s idea of charity is showing up to a soup kitchen and freaking out at the door because she was “almost raped by all the stinky hobos.” And by soup kitchen I mean the JC Penney she thought was a soup kitchen.

Original post by Suzi

I’ll only watch a movie if the female stars agree to pose naked wearing nothing but bullets. This is especially true if the movie stars Rosie O’Donnell and Kathy Bates. And by especially true I mean not true at all. Because that would be the day all the penises on Earth died.

Original post by Suzi

Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber are getting married soon because Naomi doesn’t want their unborn child to be illegitimate. The two were planning to marry after their baby was born, but decided to push it up before Naomi gives birth in late summer. A source says:

“There’s not enough time to plan a big wedding. They’ll have just 25 guests for the nuptials in her hometown of Sydney, Australia, with a lavish wedding reception for all their stateside friends after the baby is born.”

I think the kid might start to get suspicious when he realizes he was born two weeks after his parents got married. “Wait a second, mom. So you guys got married in August. And then I was born in August. Carry the two. So that means the butler did it!”

Source

Original post by Suzi

Two of Anna Nicole Smith’s diaries from the early 1990’s were made available by the Associated Press yesterday and are to be auctioned off in a few weeks. The diaries include insights on her struggles with food, her use of drugs, and her deep love for her then-husband, J. Howard Marshall II.

On her weight
“I’ve been really stressed out lately and depressed and I can’t quit eating. I feel like a pig.”

On meeting Paul Marciano, CEO of Guess
“O my Gosh!! Paul Marsiano called today to see if I got his books also I’m gonna go to San Antonio to do photo shoot. I’m so excited!! I can’t believe this. This could be it.” The entry ends with five smiley faces.

On buying $3,000 worth of clothing at Neiman Marcus
“I’m so happy they look great. I hope it empresses Paul Marsiano. … I’m starving!! I’ve been starving myself.”

On drugs
On June 13, 1992, she wrote that she was hung over and watched a movie at home, adding that she “Took a Zandrex!”

On J. Howard Marshall, who was 63 years older than her
“Howard has been buying me som jewelry but he call me 15 or 20 times a day it drives me crazy. I love him but he aggravates me somtimes. I don’t no what to do about Paul hes strange guy. I hate for men to want sex all the time.” The entry ends with the word “Chow!” written in large letters and underlined.

More on J. Howard Marshall
“Hes so very weak and fragile When I touch him Im afraid he might break. If Jesus desides to take him I dont no what I’ll do. I love him so much it hurts me to site and watch him when hes hurting I just want to hold him touch him let him no how much I care.”

It’s kind of amazing but she sounds like she legitimately loved J. Howard Marshall II. At least I think that’s what she was trying to say. It’s hard to make sense of her words. I know it’s unfair to pick apart a private diary, but if you told me this was written by a 9-year-old I’d suggest getting them some private tutoring.

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Original post by Suzi