Dannielynn’s DNA test was released today and Larry Birkhead is officially the father. Howard K. Stern, who was listed as the father on the birth certificate, says he won’t fight for custody and will do everything in his power to make sure Larry Birkhead gets full custody.

“I hate to be the one who told you this, but: I told you so,” Birkhead, 34, said during a press conference outside the Bahamas courthouse. “I’m the father.”

We’re almost done with this ridiculous saga. All that’s left is the issue of Anna Nicole Smith’s possible fortune and who gets it. Stern was named the trustee for Daniel if Anna died, and no provisions were made for Dannielynn. If Anna ends up getting the $423 million from her late husband, that means whoever ends up being the trustee could get the 3% in trustee fees ($12.6 million). But until then, let’s never bring up these clowns or their soap opera lives ever again. Whenever I talk about them I always feel like I’m describing an episode of Scooby Doo.

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Original post by Suzi

I know Charlotte Church is pregnant, but this is pushing the limits of human comprehension. If she puts on any more weight my brain won’t even register that she’s a person anymore. It’ll just be, “Hey, why is that car wearing a bikini?”

Original post by Suzi

Everybody’s favorite douche bag, Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis, was arrested today at a Florida airport on a warrant for criminal comtempt of court. He was supposed to turn himself in after a judge ordered his arrest for changing the terms of a 2003 lawsuit settlement, but Francis missed the deadline and was picked up at the airport.

Nice mugshot, dude. This looks like it was taken on the set of Charles in Charge. If you zoomed out you’d see he was wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt and holding a My Little Pony lunch box.

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Original post by Suzi

Paris Hilton didn’t show up to best friend Kim Kardashian’s birthday party at Tao in Las Vegas last Friday and apparently it’s because their egos are clashing. Kardashian didn’t want to go clubbing in Paris’ shadow and Paris is pissed that Kardashian is being called the New Paris. Kardashian’s former publicist says:

“Even when I would talk to editors of magazines and other media outlets about featuring Kim, they would comment on how they are moving past Paris in hopes to bring someone fresh to the spotlight, like Kim.” What’s more, the former PR man claims that Paris Hilton’s other ex-BFF, Britney Spears, broke off their friendship because she was worried about her image. He also claims that Spears wooed Kardashian. “Britney was in NYC and kept texting Kim to hang out and go bowling or something.”

So is being called the New Paris a good thing? It’s not like being compared to Leonardo DaVinci or Albert Einstein. I mean this is Paris Hilton. It’d be more flattering to be compared to a giant slab of salami.

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Original post by Suzi

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds were spotted around New York City together over the weekend. On Friday they were seen being “very lovey-dovey” at the Azza lounge, on Saturday they were spotted at restaurant Odeon holding hands and laughing, and on Sunday they had a $135 prix fixe lunch at the Carlyle hotel.

This is a pretty big step up for Ryan Reynolds considering he was with Alanis Morissette for the past five years (three of those spent engaged). If he spends enough time with Scarlett Johansson he might actually remember what his penis is used for. Namely slapping people in the face and pretending it’s a laser gun. Pew pew pew!

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Original post by Suzi

Kate Moss was spotted hanging out with indie singer Beth Ditto (right) after her band Gossip performed in LA. You know how girls have ugly friends so they feel like the pretty one? I think this is sort of like that, only Kate Moss has taken it to the extreme. It looks like they’re chasing Kate down to eat her. Or sit on her. Or take a big dump on her. You know, just the usual fat-people stuff.

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Original post by Suzi

Hot news once again and the source is none other than Jessica Alba. Lionsgate’s upcoming Romantic comedy “Good Luck Chuck” will have Jessica Alba do some hot scenes. Also starring are Dane Cook (”Saturday Night Live”, “Employee of the Month “) and Dan Fogler (”Bust a Move”, “Slippery Slope”). Read the Official Synopsis: “It all started when Charlie Kagan was ten years old. Breaking the cardinal rules of spin-the-bottle, Charlie refused to lip-lock with a demented Goth girl – and she put a hex on him. Now, twenty-five years later, Charlie (Dane Cook) is a successful dentist…and still cursed. While his plastic surgeon best friend, Stu (Dan Fogler), pursues as many of his patients as possible, Charlie can’t seem to find the right girl. Even worse, he discovers at an ex-girlfriend’s wedding that every woman he’s ever slept with has found true love – with the next guy after him. Before he knows it, Charlie’s reputation as a “good luck charm? has women – from sexy strangers to his overweight receptionist – lining up for a quickie. But a life filled with all sex and no love has Charlie lonelier than ever – that is, until he meets Cam (Jessica Alba). An accident-prone penguin specialist, Cam is as hard-to-get as she is beautiful. But when a genuine romance develops, Charlie realizes he’s got to find a way to break his good-luck curse…before the girl of his dreams winds up with the next guy she meets.” Now that’s what you call a sweet film to watch….but with Hot Jessica Alba in it. What a hot n cold combination!

Original post by axe