Britney Spears was spotted in Santa Monica without her bra on, and looking like she put her lipstick on with her feet. I know she’s had two kids, but that’s why they invented the bra. So nobody would have to see her deflated boobs through that shower curtain she calls a dress. And what the hell is going on here? How does she look like this one day, and like this the other? It’s like she has a secret twin sister nobody knows about. Who’s also a robot. And solves crimes. Hey, she sounds fun! My stupid twin sister just lies in bed all day and complains about her cancer.

NOTE: I probably crossed some sort of line here. Some sort of terrible offensive line.

Original post by Suzi

Prince reportedly publicly humiliated Paris Hilton when he invited her on stage with him at the Rio All-Suite Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas.

As a “delighted” Hilton obliged, Prince, 48, handed her the mic and told the audience, “Let’s see if she can really sing,” says the witness. Hilton stormed offstage - and left the club two songs later.

Paris Hilton released a fucking music album so asking her to sing shouldn’t be such a big deal. It’s not like Prince invited her on stage and asked her to do a backflip through a hoop of fire.

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Original post by Suzi

In her recent interview with Nylon magazine, Lindsay Lohan and her friends were quoted reading about themselves from The Superficial.

She stands up, black fedora cocked to one side, and adopts a stern voice: “Lindsay Lohan has been out partying and drinking every night since she arrived in New York [a week earlier, from L.A. where she lives]. So, rehab didn’t work for her at all. What the hell was she doing in there? While everyone else was getting treated for addictions she was probably playing Hungry Hungry Hippos, clapping her hands excitedly, going ‘Look at the hippos eat! They’re so hungry!’”

Contorting in hysterics, Lohan pulls her knees up to her chest and buries her face in her oversize cashmere scarf. “I did checkers!” she exclaims, laughing. Once the hilarity has subsided, she sits up and looks over at Ronson, who is still chuckling to herself. “What else did they say about me?” she asks.

Ronson continues reading: “When one of the employees taps her on the shoulder to let her know a meeting is about to start, she orders a Cosmopolitan and takes a nap.” More giggles, and it’s beginning to feel like a slumber party in here. “See now that… It’s fine,” says Lohan. “I can totally laugh at myself.”

Sound familiar? It should, because it came from here. I don’t know if it was a one time deal or what, but there’s no reason Lindsay Lohan should be reading The Superficial. It’d be like a gang of pirates subscribing to the newsletter of their worst enemy: my fists.

A few more shots of Lindsay Lohan picking up some McDonald’s after the jump, and thanks to everybody that sent this in.

Original post by Suzi

Tyra Banks dropped by The View and for some reason started grabbing Rosie O’Donnell’s breasts. Sure, it’s all fun and games when Tyra Banks does it, but when I do it suddenly I have to check in with a judge twice a week. Not that I’d ever grab Rosie O’Donnell’s breasts. Jesus, no. I’d rather put my hands in lava than on her chest.

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Original post by Suzi

Flynet

Pamela Anderson was spotted on a Malibu beach wearing her old Baywatch bathing suit for a DirecTV commercial. There’s a “flotation device” joke to be made here, but I’m not entirely sure those things would float. One of her nipples is pointing at her face and the other is missing. I’m guessing her plastic surgeon moved it to her back. Judging by the way her breasts turned out, this guy went to medical school at 7-Eleven.

A few more of Pamela Anderson in her old C.J. outfit after the jump.

Original post by Suzi

Rapper Eve was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence last night after she crashed her gold Maserati on Hollywood Boulevard, hitting the center divider and totaling the front of her car. And because Hollywood is a very weird place, Sean Penn apparently went to go visit her at the station. Police sources say:

“He came to see how Eve was doing.” No word yet if Sean and Eve had been out together before her car accident.

Eve and Sean Penn? That’s a pretty weird combination. Sort of like Red Bull and Lucky Charms. Which is what I had for breakfast, and now I feel like I could fly to the moon with my arms. Prepare for takeoff! Vroooom!

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Original post by Suzi

Hugh Grant was arrested last night after a photographer accused him of attacking him with a container of baked beans. The photographer says Grant kicked him and verbally abused him on Tuesday morning before throwing the beans at him.

The Metropolitan Police don’t identify suspects who haven’t been charged, but said a 46-year-old man was arrested Wednesday night on suspicion of assault and released on bail. No charges have been filed, police said.

That’s not an attack. An attack is getting punched in the throat by some crazy guy wielding nunchucks. No, this guy got free beans. Last I checked, an offering of free beans meant peace. See that expression on Hugh Grant’s face? It says: “Here, have some free beans. Let’s be friends.” They probably held hands afterwards and sang around a camp fire while taking turns farting.

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Original post by Suzi