A Los Angeles County Superior Court judge has sentenced Paris Hilton to 45 days in LA County jail for violating her probation. Her sentence will start on June 5, and the judge made sure she wouldn’t be allowed on work release, furloughs, use of an alteranitve jail, or electronic monitoring instead of jail. Moments before the judge gave his decision, Paris was crying and told the court:

“I’m Sorry, I’m Sorry.” The judge called out her rep Elliot Mintz in court, describing his testimony as “completely worthless.” He also told Paris that he did not believe that she was unaware of her license suspension, adding that she had paperwork in her car stating that her license was suspended.

This judge is a fucking hero. I mean, yeah, I once saw him save a group of children by killing a bear with his bare hands. And then this other time I saw him run into a burning building to save a box of kittens. But really, this Paris thing is probably the most heoric thing he’s ever done. They should give him a cape. And also this card I made for him. I wrote his name in curly letters and drew hearts all around the margin.

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Petra Nemcova showed up to a party for Stella McCartney with her boob basically hanging out. And for some reason nobody around her seems to notice. Last I checked, proper etiquette for a situation like this is to drop you head, stare, and make honking noises as your pretend (or actually) squeeze them. Hmm, maybe dropping out of school and getting my formal education from Mad magazine wasn’t such a good idea. Because it was a great idea!

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Splash News

Natalie Portman showed up to the lower Manhattan Cultural Center’s annual “Downtown Dinner” looking lovely as hell, but with two Band-Aids on her arm and dressed in a trash bag. And I have no idea how her breasts are staying in there. It looks like her dress would fall off if somebody walked too close and sneezed. And by sneezed I mean pretended to sneeze, but then grabbed her dress with both hands and yanked. Ahh, subtlety.

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Lindsay Lohan attended Britney Spears’ 12-minute set at the House Of Blues yesterday. And Britney? Well she was spotted around town wearing what appear to be Eskimo moon boots. I just can’t figure out if this is a step up or a step down from her cowgirl boots. If this trend continues, by next month she’ll be spotted wearing giant slices of salami on her feet. And after that? Who knows. The sky’s the limit! She could, I dunno, glue live turtles to the bottom of her feet or something.

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For some reason Jada Pinkett Smith is claiming Katie Holmes runs the household and that Tom Cruise has no control in the relationship. She says:

“It burns my soul - I see her in the house with Tom; he doesn’t have that on her! It kills me. ‘Tom’s this monster and he’s got her chained up in the basement and he’s forcing Scientology down her throat’ - it’s bullshit. Let me tell you: Kate ain’t no little wimpy kitty cat. It’s not that ballgame. For real. Tom don’t run nothin’ in that house! It is Katie’s house. It’s her world! The devotion that Tom has to his wife, and the places he’ll go to make her happy - spiritually, where he will go as a man for his woman.”

If she wanted us to believe her she should’ve stuck to something more realistic, like that Katie Holmes gets fed at least once a day. But to say she runs the house? She might as well have told us that Katie Holmes is actually a Power Ranger and spends her free time fighting crime and riding around in giant robots.

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Kirsten Dunst bailed on her Spider-Man 3 screening Monday night by telling everybody she was sick, but instead celebrated her 25th birthday at Beatrice Inn. A source says:

“She told everyone she was sick and left right after the red carpet. But really she went to her birthday party.”

And as Kirsten Dunst was leaving the bar, she was photographed with her feet looking like *shudder* this. I don’t even know why I’m surprised. Judging by her face I should’ve expected to see hooves. Seriously though, what the hell is this? It’s like she got up on the bar and started dancing in broken glass. I’ve seen burn victims with less disgusting feet.

A few more of Kirsten Dunst and her blotchy red feet after the jump.

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Whether or not Pamela Anderson is dating David Binn is a diffferent question all together… or may be she is two timing both Lee and Binn…

However she confused us further when she told OK!

While… Tommy Lee is trying hard to woo her by buying her a multi-million dollar property in Dubai… so much for an old hag with silicon boobs…. not a good deal folks!

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Original post by Suzi