Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman were spotted in New York last night celebrating Bratman’s 30th birthday with a Hawaiian themed party. And judging by his expression I’d say he had a blast. I’ve seen children who just found out they have cancer that look happier than this.

Original post by Suzi

Jessica Alba went on a shopping spree in Beverly Hills last week and ended up dropping over $4,300 on clothes. TMZ reports:

During her shopping extravaganza, Alba hit up trendy Harmony Lane boutique twice and charged up ten dresses and five tops in size XS. Jess also picked up some Insititute Liberal shrugs and a bunch of Vita bracelets and J.Rae necklaces. Alba was looking for outfits for her upcoming summer travel with boyfriend Cash Warren.

Ironic, since the only outfit anybody cares about her wearing is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. My penis and I had a talk about this and we’re in total agreement.

Original post by Suzi

Is this how pregnant women normally look? I haven’t seen the ultrasound or anything, but I’m pretty sure Salma Hayek is giving birth to a full size adult cow. Or, I dunno, a steamboat.

Original post by Suzi

Amanda Bynes was spotted leaving club Hyde over the weekend looking completely unrecognizable. If the pictures weren’t labeled I wouldn’t even know who this was. Although to be fair, I’m pretty bad with faces. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror I get confused and think I’m looking at Brad Pitt. A lot of women seem to make that mistake too. Hmm, weird.

Original post by Suzi

Holy Christ. I can appreciate a round posterior as much as the next person, but this is just out of control. She looks like she’s got a pillow stuffed back there. And by pillow I mean eight pillows. And by eight pillows I mean an entire sofa bed. I wouldn’t be surprised if some circus clowns started climbing out of there.

Original post by Suzi

Page Six has confirmed what I already confirmed, namely that the brunette posing with Lindsay Lohan in those knife pictures from yesterday are Vanessa Minnillo. Additionally, they report that Minnillo is extremely high maintenance and that her partying and diva-like behavior are giving her a bad rep in the TV industry. She had contracts with “TRL” and “Entertainment Tonight”, but they expired in April and neither were renewed.

When producers flew her to Los Angeles to cover the Grammys, “she was extremely high maintenance,” said one source. “She insisted they fly her own hair and makeup people and her personal assistant out with her every time she flew to L.A. She only flew first class and stayed at the Four Seasons, and then she didn’t want to work. Vanessa wants to be a celebrity, not interview them … She wouldn’t conduct post-show interviews because she wanted to party. She expected to be paid a full-time salary for a part-time job.”

Minnillo was also spotted at one of the fall fashion shows changing seats for 15 minutes until she was satisfied, and apparently she’s known to yell at cocktail waitresses and cause scenes when she goes club hopping at night. Which is weird, because I’m known for causing scenes when I go club hopping at night too. They usually have to call in the fire marshal because, and I quote, I’m just “too hot to handle.”

Original post by Suzi

People reports Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have broken up. A source close to the couple says they split just before Memorial Day weekend but that “they’re still friends.” And in case you’re wondering, yes, this is just about the most boring news ever. You know what news would’ve been shocking though? If Kate Hudson ate Owen Wilson. Like with a fork and knife. Because, you know, she doesn’t seem the type. I’m just saying.

Original post by Suzi