Jessica Biel put on a bikini for the latest issue of GQ, and in her interview talks about what it’s like being named Esquire magazine’s Sexiest Woman Alive in 2005. She says:

“At first I felt really embarrassed about it. You know, it’s a weird thing to talk about. Like, ‘Hey, guys. Guess what?’ You don’t just go telling everybody that. But after I got over that, I just started to embrace it. I started thinking, If I ever do have kids, and if they have kids, I can tell them: ‘You know what? Your grandma in 2000-and-whatever was the Sexiest Woman Alive. How about that, kids?’ That’s what I started to think about. I’ll always have that picture to say, ‘That’s what Granny used to look like.’ ”

And I don’t want to alarm anybody, but looking at these pictures may or may not cause your penis to explode. And you know those pictures of me posing sexily in my basement? I wouldn’t recommend looking at those either, unless your fond of spontaneously catching on fire.

Original post by Suzi

Now that Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are out of the picture, Tara Reid has taken over the LA party scene. She was spotted making out with some random guy outside Hyde last night with a bunch of people in the car. No, wait, that’s not fair. I call him some random guy but Tara’s known him for at least, what, twenty minutes? They’re practically married.

Original post by Suzi

Paris Hilton has been responding to fan mail to keep busy in prison and E! obtained a copy of one of her letters. Paris writes:

“I read your letter and just wanted to thank you for your kind words of love and support. The fact that you took time out of your day to write me truly means the world. Especially at such a difficult and scary time in my life. But I am being strong and trying to make the best out of the situation. And the letters I’m receiving really do put a smile on my face as I sit here in my cell, sad and alone. Again, thank you so much and may God bless you and your family.

Love always, Paris Hilton.”

It’s nice that she’s responding to all her “fan” mail, but is that seriously how she signs her name? She’s like five years old. I keep expecting to see a drawing of a unicorn in the margin. If you asked a bunch of third graders to write the exact same message, Paris’ version would be the second worst. And only because one of the kids took a dump on his paper instead of using a pencil. And even then it was a tough call.

NOTE: You know she concentrated so hard on this letter, brow furrowed, tongue hanging out the side of her mouth, trying so hard to make each line neat and straight, and yet she still somehow managed to misspell ‘receiving.’

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears has fallen off (on?) the wagon and was spotted having several rounds of cocktails last Friday, less than 90 days after leaving rehab. She was hanging out with four friends at a private table at Lola’s in Hollywood and treated herself to three drinks. Us Weekly reports:

“She had two Jack [Daniels] and Cokes and an orange-flavored martini,” Lola’s manager, Sylvie Haines, tells Us Weekly, adding that “her whole visit was pretty low-key and she didn’t seem drunk.”

How would you even tell she’s drunk? When she’s sober she already takes her clothes off in public and acts like an ass. She’s just really really stupid. You could put her on a game show against a puppy and she’d end up losing half her savings.

Original post by Suzi

Is there a single person that knows who the members of the Pussycat Dolls are? I know the lead singer is Nicole Scherzinger, and then there’s four or five other girls who basically stand around doing nothing. Anyways, these are a couple months old, but Nicole Scherzinger and another member of the Pussycat Dolls, Carmit Bachar, were spotted at Pure in Las Vegas. And if you’re looking at that creature on the right and thinking, “Man, I wish her nipple would pop out of her shirt” then you’re a freak. But you’re also in luck, because it did. But mostly you’re a freak. Aren’t the Pussycat Dolls supposed to be hot? If I saw this thing walking towards me I wouldn’t even think, I’d just punch it in the throat and run.

EDIT: I originally spelled Carmit as Cermit, but really, does it even matter?

Original post by Suzi

A source has confirmed that rumors Christina Aguilera is pregnant “are definitely true.” Page Six reports:

“She’s been telling friends,” said one snitch, who revealed, “she has to be three months now, because she’s announcing it.”

The picture above has nothing to do with the pictures below, I just thought you needed a friendly reminder as to what her husband looks like. Most women would rather make out with their dad than with this guy. How did he get her pregnant? I imagine it’d be difficult when every time you get naked for sex your wife goes running out of the room screaming.

Original post by Suzi

A friend of Lindsay Lohan says Lindsay is extending her rehab and won’t be celebrating her birthday at Pure in Las Vegas because she might still be at Promises. Page Six reports:

A close friend of Lohan said, “She is staying in Promises for longer than a month. We don’t know how much longer because of her work schedule, but she is taking rehab very seriously this time and not messing around.”

It’s hard to believe she’s actually taking rehab seriously. I think this will all make sense a month from now when they do an investigative report on Promises and it turns out they’re not even a rehab facility, but actually a circus.

Original post by Suzi