“More chins. I need more chins!”

Britney Spears was spotted at Petco buying herself a new pet parakeet. Which is a great idea, because she clearly needs more responsibility in her life. According to an imaginary witness I made up, as she was leaving, Britney was spotted rubbing her hands together and saying, “This is going to be delicious!”

NOTE: Didn’t Britney used to have kids? I’m pretty sure they’re in a cage somewhere, waving a sippy cup back and forth along the bars and singing the blues.

Original post by Suzi

NBC has canceled their $1 million interview with Paris Hilton, most likely from the pressure of the entire world calling them ass clowns. No official reason was given, but NBC is backtracking and saying they never sealed the deal on the interview to begin with, so there was nothing really there to cancel. Clearly they’re just trying to cover their asses now. They obviously wanted the interview and were willing to pay $1 million for it, and then the internet exploded with anger and they backed down. Own up to it, NBC. Like the time I caught you masturbating to pictures of your sister. Just admit it, man. It’s not that bad. She’s hot, I get it. Oh, wait, you actually did? Gross, dude, I’m telling your mom.

Original post by Suzi

Victoria’s Secret model Marisa Miller was spotted in a bikini for some random photo shoot on the beach. And in case you’re wondering, Marisa Miller in a bikini is 100% the absolute most important news ever. The moon landing? Yeah, that was pretty important I guess, but compared to this it might as well have been about the time I had cereal for breakfast.

Original post by Suzi

She is almost forty and she seems to be as young and as energetic as a 20 year old… especially at the sound of clubs. Though she failed at her earlier business attempt of online Poker… but this time she has thought of a unique business idea while traveling to Finland to find her roots.

“I thought of a great way to celebrate my Finnish heritage at home,” Anderson writes on her blog. “I’m going to look into opening a chain of strips club and I’ll call them LAPLAND!!!”

Anderson jetted from New York to Finland with her dad, Barry Anderson after an appearance on Late Night with Conan O’Brien.

“Vegas forever. I’m completely in love. I left New York for Finland today. Just arrived with my father,” she writes. “Our heritage is here. We are both excited. We will be taking lots of saunas. Save my liver.”

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Original post by Suzi

A rep for Scary Spice aka Melanie Brown has confirmed that a DNA test shows Eddie Murphy is officially the father of her 2-month-old daughter. A source close to Brown says, “He’s the baby’s father, it’s official. The baby is undoubtedly, 110 percent his. There was no doubt in people’s minds anyways, least of all hers. It wasn’t a surprise to her. She knew all along.”

Well sucks for Eddie. Not only does he officially have a daughter he doesn’t want, but the entire world now knows he had sex with this thing. Pictures could surface of him making out with a horse and it’d probably be less shameful.

Original post by Suzi

This is the first shot of Harrison Ford back in costume for the new Indiana Jones movie coming out in 2008. I was gonna make a joke about the movie being about him yelling at kids to stay off his lawn, but he looks amazingly good for a 64-year-old. When I’m 64 I’ll be lucky if I’m not a giant bag of ash.

Original post by Suzi

Remember when I suggested the Promises rehab facility was like a circus? Turns out I wasn’t too far off, as Lindsay Lohan was spotted bicycling and roller blading on Venice Beach Wednesday with some friends. And maybe I’m not the master of subtlety that she is, but if you’re trying to be inconspicuous, maybe taking your shirt off and riding around in your bikini isn’t the best idea. “They’re taking my picture! I know how to stop them, I’ll take my shirt off! Wait, they’re not stopping. Noooooo!”

Original post by Suzi