Alessandra Ambrosio was spotted cleaning out her car yesterday after spending the day at the beach. I’m just glad the paparazzi captured shots of her doing regular everyday stuff. Sometimes the public forgets people as good looking as Alessandra and me are still regular people too. We supermodels have to clean out our cars just like everybody else, only afterwards when we walk down the street we’re worshiped as gods and get bags of money thrown at us. It’s a tough life, but somebody’s got to live it.

Original post by Suzi

Paris Hilton was spotted leaving a private acting coach carrying a copy of Ivana Chubbuck’s “The Power Of Acting.” Aww, isn’t that cute? She actually believes she has talent. The odds of her becoming a respected actress are about as good as my pet turtle becoming an astronaut. I mean I’ve been giving him the reading materials, but sometimes I get the feeling his heart just isn’t into it.

Original post by Suzi

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker got married in a civil ceremony in Paris today. The two will have a second ceremony tomorrow at Paris’s Eglise Saint-Germain l’Auxerrois, followed by a lavish celebration at Vaux-le-Vicomte. Which is just a whole lot of words I have no idea how to say. I tried to learn some French from a Parisian woman once, but whenever she was around me all she could say were pleasurable moans.

Original post by Suzi

Paris Hilton showed up to Lindsay Lohan’s Fourth of July bash hosted by A.J. Lamas (the son of Lorenzo Lamas), and the two apparently made peace. The NY Daily News reports:

“Paris has decided to give Lindsay a second chance,” says a spy, noting that the two were cordial. “Paris was known as a bully … she would form alliances. If a friend didn’t like Lohan, then she wouldn’t like Lohan. But she’s through taking sides. She realized who her real friends were when she was in jail — and there weren’t many. Plus, she’s got to be in a good mood after the Blackstone Group bought the Hilton Hotels, boosting her inheritance.”

Whew! We can all rest easy now, because Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are friends again. There were a tense couple of months back there when the dynamics of their relationship wer– *blows brains out*

NOTE: These aren’t pictures of Lindsay with Paris, they’re of Lindsay at a party in Malibu the day after. Because that’s what you do in rehab. You attend parties.

Original post by Suzi

Somebody took the journal excerpt Paris Hilton read on Larry King Live and turned it into a rock ballad (listen to it above). I’d be lying* if I said this wasn’t the most powerful and moving piece of music I’ve ever heard in my entire life. If Paris Hilton’s career as a person who stands there doing nothing ever falls though, she should seriously consider a career in music lyrics. Or touching people’s hearts. *swoon*

*This may or may not be a lie.

Original post by Suzi

Bai Ling was spotted outside club Area in LA on the Fourth of July and told paparazzi she had gotten married in Vegas earlier that day to Damon Elliot, the son of singer Dionne Warwick. Which is just absolutely insane. I mean, really, Mr. Damon Elliot? Bai Ling? You couldn’t find a circus clown to marry? Or a monkey in a silly hat? I figure the marriage will last three weeks before Damon snaps and murders Bai Ling because she refuses to stop bouncing around in the corner while chanting, “Look at me! Look at me!”

NOTE: I’m assuming she won him over with her dance moves. How could you watch her dance and not fall in love?

Original post by Suzi

Jennifer Garner spent her Fourth of July surfing with Ben Affleck in Hawaii. Maybe surfing isn’t the right word here. It looks more like a ‘being pale’ contest, and Jennifer is totally beating everybody in the entire world. When I first saw these I thought she was being played by a ghost. Then I got scared and hid in my closet for two hours. I mean, uh, I didn’t get scared. What I meant to say was I flexed and then my shirt ripped off because my muscles are so big. True story.

Original post by Suzi