Paris Hilton was trying to surf in Malibu but her top fell off instead. Although I’m not sure if you’d classify this as a nipple slip. Clearly her nipple is showing, but she’s also posing for some guy with a camera. Isn’t it just pornography at this point? Or, as Paris Hilton likes to call it, Sunday afternoon?

The first few are NSFW.

Original post by Suzi

If you’re anything like me, you immediately jumped at the idea of Kim Kardashian in a bikini, hoping you might get a better shot of that thing she calls an ass. But alas, it wasn’t meant to be. She covers up amazingly well for somebody who seems so proud of her butt. The way she waves it around in public you’d think she’d be running down the beach with a big frame around it. And when I say big I mean big. Like the circumference of the Earth big. A frame so large it would make Gods of the men who crafted it.

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears was spotted at Millennium dance studio sporting a pink wig and carrying her new $3000 pet Yorkie in her hand. She bought the dog last Friday and named him “London”, adding to her growing collection of pets which included a parakeet she bought from Petco last month. Although I’m pretty sure the last thing Britney Spears needs is more living creatures to care for. This thing has a better chance of survival if it was being raised by the inside of a bear’s mouth.

Original post by Suzi

Paris Hilton - who told Larry King she reads the Bible even though she couldn’t come up with a single favorite passage - apparently told Larry King off camera that she’s also really into politics. The Scoop reports:

While off camera, King asked Paris Hilton if she votes, according to a source. Oh yes, Hilton responded. When did you last vote, King asked according to the insider, who says that Hilton replied, “Last year.” When King wanted to know which election she voted in, Hilton explained, “Presidential.” “I guess she forgot there was no presidential election last year,” quipped one amused source. “She was too busy reading the Bible.”

This is what happens when you’re really stupid and a liar. Or just really stupid. And since we’re on the topic of not being surprised by Paris Hilton, here she is spending the weekend in Malibu in her bikini. Let’s a play a game of spot the attention whore. Can you do it? Can you spot the attention whore? This is a tough one, because there’s just so many people randomly posing on the beach and dancing to invisible music. And doing this. And doing whatever this is.

Original post by Suzi

Linsday Lohan officially completed her stay at the Promises rehab facility in Malibu last Friday, and she’s volunteered to wear an alcohol monitoring bracelet to prove her sobriety. Her rep released a statement yesterday, saying:

“On Friday, July 13, 2007, Lindsay Lohan successfully completed her 45 days of residential and extended care treatment at Promises. She has transitioned to an intensive outpatient program, which includes attendance at daily AA meetings, outpatient therapy and daily testing. On her own, she has also made the decision in support of her sobriety to wear an alcohol monitoring bracelet. In part she is wearing the bracelet so there are no questions about her sobriety if she chooses to go dancing or dining in a place where alcohol is served.”

Right after getting out, Lindsay headed to Vegas and was seen partying at Pure on Saturday, voluntarily wearing the alcohol monitoring bracelet her rep was talking about. Although since nobody ordered her to wear that thing, I’m not sure who’s checking it. When she gets home it’s probably smoking and sparks are shooting out because she’s overloaded its tracking limit. Then she takes it off, stumbles over to her computer where it’s flashing “Legally Dead” and she lifts her hands in the air and screams, “I’m cured!”

Original post by Suzi

Cameron Diaz has one of the most confusing bodies on the planet. I can’t figure out if it’s sexy or horrifying or both. It’s like looking at a rainbow that’s shining on a beautiful girl, only the girl is a rotting corpse and she also has a penis. And there’s a panda in the background dancing to the Backstreet Boys. And his paws? Well they’re not paws at all, but rather giant hooks. Yup. It’s exactly like that.

Original post by Suzi

Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O’Connell got married on Saturday in a western-themed ceremony on their ranch in Los Angeles. And I hope they have a happy marriage and all that, but this is just confusing. Rebecca Romijn is a former Victoria’s Secret and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model. And Jerry O’Connell? Well he showed up to his wedding in a gray suit and sneakers. I’m not saying Rebecca Romijn has bad taste in men, but I wouldn’t be surprised if one of these days she ended up married to a cardboard cutout of Scott Baio.

Original post by Suzi