What’s that, you say? You want pictures from the 59th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards? How about 100 million gazillion of them? Will that do? Check them all out after the jump. I’ll try to update it with as many as I can, so keep refreshing the page throughout the day.

NOTE: Not sure what’s up with Hayden Panettiere’s dress. When her designer asked what look she was going for I think she answered: “Pregnant.”

UPDATE: Added a few more sets, including Debra Messing and Marcia Cross looking uncharacteristically hot.

Original post by Suzi

Christina Ricci was looking hot (I think) at the Women’s Guild 50th Anniversary Gala over the weekend. I can’t tell if I’m attracted to her or not. Right now there’s a weird noise coming out of my pants, like a grizzly bear driving a dump truck through a spring factory. I should probably investigate. Of course, if I unzip my fly, that angelic choir will start singing “Alleluia” again. Real embarrassing when you’re in a public restroom. I mean, for you. Not for me. What, no heavenly music comes out of your pants? You must cry a lot.

Original post by Suzi

Turns out the secret witness in Britney Spears’ custody hearing is Tony Barretto, a former bodyguard for Britney. He filed a declaration in the custody battle between Britney and Kevin Federline today, claiming that Britney used drugs post-rehab and was nude a lot. Anyone shocked? Me neither. TMZ reports:

Barretto started working for Britney when she got out of rehab, and was fired on May 17 because, said Allred, “He did not hear her when he was asked to pick up her hat.”

Barretto, himself the father of young children, came forward, Allred says, because while working for Britney, he became “very concerned” about the safety of her two boys. Allred also said that she has spoken to County Counsel for Child Protective Services about Barretto’s concerns.

You know what makes this guy’s story totally legitimate? He claims Britney Spears fired him for not picking up her hat. That’s the most believable statement I’ve ever heard in my life. The only thing more believable would be if Barretto said Britney fired him for stealing her Double Whopper – then chased him down the street in a tank. Would Britney fire one of her kids out of the cannon? Depends. Were there extra pickles on that burger?

Original post by Suzi

Okay, Jessica Simpson knows what to do here, I think. She’s pretty sure you pour the juice from the bottle into the cup. Or is it the bottle into the juice and then eat the cup? Dammit. What did her dad used to say? Oh, right, he’d say: “If you can’t figure something out, why not bounce up and down on daddy’s lap until it comes to you?” Then he’d ask her if she wanted a boob job because, you know, Joe Simpson buys boob-jobs in bulk. I hear he hands them out at office parties, charity events, and even to kids trick-or-treating on Halloween.

Original post by Suzi

What’s that, you say? You want pictures from the 59th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards? How about 100 million gazillion of them? Will that do? Check them all out after the jump. I’ll try to update it with as many as I can, so keep refreshing the page throughout the day.

Original post by Suzi

Here’s a side by side comparison of OJ Simpson’s mugshot from 1994 after being booked on double homicide charges (left), and his mugshot from 2007 after being booked on multiple felony robbery charges (right). Can you believe he’s already 60-years-old? Looking at him I would’ve guessed 58, maybe even 57.

Original post by Suzi

OJ Simpson was arrested Sunday for the incident last week where he allegedly broke into the Palace Station casino and stole some memorabilia at gunpoint. He was charged with two counts of robbery with a deadly weapon, two counts of assault with a deadly weapon, and conspiracy to commit a crime and burglary with a firearm, and is currently being held without bail. The AP reports:

The district attorney said he expected Simpson to ultimately be charged with seven felonies and one gross misdemeanor. If convicted of the booking charges, Simpson would face up to 30 years in state prison on each robbery count alone.

How sad would it be if OJ Simpson got away with murdering two people, but ended up getting life in prison because of some silly hijinks over sports memorabilia? It’d be like Hitler getting away with the Holocaust and then getting busted for running a red light. And, you know, if the the punishment for running a red was life in prison. Which it is. I went to law school so I’d know. Yale, in case you’re wondering. And Harvard.

Original post by Suzi