I could make up a reason to post these pictures of Kim Kardashian leaving the Maxim Style Awards, but we all know the only real reason to ever write about her is to put up pictures of her butt. And unless she turns into a 500 foot tall lizard and starts attacking Japan, I’m pretty sure it’s going to stay that way for the rest of her life. She could cure AIDS, and she’d still be known as ‘that chick whose butt once killed a sumo wrestler.’ I don’t even know what that means, but I’m leaving it up anyway. That’s how I roll.

Original post by Suzi

Lauren Conrad almost didn’t return for the third season of “The Hills.” Apparently she was so fed up with her co-stars Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt that she thought about quitting. Then she remembered she loves that easy money. People reports:

“I actually came dangerously close to not doing season three, because I really didn’t want to do the show with Heidi and Spencer,” the reality TV star tells Seventeen magazine in its October issue. “I’m not who they are. I don’t stage my own publicity. I just kind of live my life and do my job, and I don’t want to be grouped with them.”

Lauren Conrad really does have it rough. I mean, she has to sip lattes and talk on her cell phone. She actually has to lift the latte to her lips and take a sip. And then more lifting, with the cell phone, again to her lips. Then she has to speak words into it. Not even coherent sentences, just random words. Ugh, so freaking hard. When kids working in sweatshops complain, the owners crack them with a whip and say, “Hey, be glad you’re not Lauren Conrad. She has to drink lattes – and talk!” The children can’t believe such a fate and quietly return to work.

Original post by Suzi

Scarlett Johansson has been pulling some diva-like moves on the set of her new film “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Us! Magazine reports:

A source tells Us that on her first day, the star, 22, had a driver shuttle her the 100 yards to the set, while costar Drew Barrymore simply walked the distance. (Johansson also asked for three assistants to shield her with umbrellas.)

I’ve got a great “Scarlett is lazy” story. You’ll love this. This one time, she and I were supposed to go out on a date. But Scarlett sent her cousin instead and made up some excuse about Ryan Reynolds or something, I wasn’t paying attention on account of she’s a woman. But, how lazy is that? You can’t get off the couch so you send your crazy cousin who steals locks of dude’s hair in their sleep. Thanks for the warning. This luscious mane didn’t grow itself overnight. No, wait, yes it did. I forgot I drank that whole bottle of Rogaine – and then moved next to the power plant. Radiation makes me forget things.

NOTE: What in the hell is a “Scarlett Johansson?” Who’s superficial? That bottle of Evian in the corner? It should get over itself.

Original post by Suzi

Sweet Christ, the mummy’s escaped! Don’t look into its eyes. Or giant breasts! They’re cursed too. Oh, hey, it’s just Pam Anderson. What’s that, her breasts are cursed too? I believe it. Look at all the dudes who have touched them: Scott Baio, Tommy Lee, Bret Michaels. All have at one time had shitty reality shows on VH1. That’s where once-cool people go to die. Or in Bret’s case, go to pretend they’re not bald and bang strippers. Hold on a second, no one told me Bret Michaels was the smartest man alive.

Original post by Suzi

Alicia Silverstone got completely naked (and completely Photoshopped) for the latest ad from PETA. And I’m not sure how being naked and being a vegetarian are related, but it somehow just makes sense. In fact, all future ad campaigns should follow this example. Advertising a used car dealership? Naked woman. Canned soup? Naked woman. The brilliance of this idea is that it works for everything. I mean, really, what better way to advertise a new toaster oven than with a naked woman? By showing the actual toaster? Ha! I laugh at your ideas. Laugh I say!

Click the above image for the full sized version.

Original post by Suzi

Okay, so a couple days ago, I might have suggested that Jennifer Aniston is a dude. I’d like to state for the record that I was drunk. But now I’m a different kind of drunk. Love-drunk. I would totally do things to her. Things that would make Jennifer Aniston so pregnant, she’d give birth to a small nation. Which Angelina Jolie would then adopt. That would be so hot. Oh man, imagine if Angelina gave all those kids ridiculous names. No, no, that’s just too hot. Don’t touch the screen! My words will burn you with their hotness.

Original post by Suzi

Rose McGowan was being considered for a starring role in “Speed Racer,” but the studio felt her plastic surgery left her unrecognizable. NY Daily News reports:

McGowan, 34, has admitted to having plastic surgery for an eye injury related to a car accident. But casting skeptics suspect she has had much more done, and that it cost her the role.
“The studio felt like she was hard to recognize and worried that by the time the movie hit theaters, fans might not know who she was,” says our insider.

Rose wasn’t the only one passed over. Zac Efron was up for the title role, but wasn’t the right fit:

”During his auditions, Zac never connected to the romantic lead in the reading,” says our source. “By the second round, the casting crew didn’t feel he was believable as a leading man/hero.”

Hollywood executives are so stupid. I would totally believe Zac Efron as a sexually confused race-car driver. And who better to play his post-op tranny love-interest than Rose McGowan? Damn, that concept just sells itself. People are reading this post right now and dumping money onto their keyboards, screaming “Sold!” This is why I should be the head of a studio – besides the one in my basement where, I like to believe, I make more than what society calls “porn.” I make art. Art that’s generously seasoned with people doing it on my dryer. While my cat watches.

Original post by Suzi