Kate Moss is premiering her new Christmas clothing line, or “range” as the Brits call it, in the latest issue of i-D magazine. I must say, after seeing Kate model these clothes, she really knows how to put the boner in Happy Holidays. That statement doesn’t make any sense, but at this point I’m just ogling Kate’s Christmas miracle and typing random words potato salad hippopotamus Louisiana Purchase…

Original post by Suzi

Kate Moss is premiering her new Christmas clothing line, or “range” as the Brits call it, in the latest issue of i-D magazine. I must say, after seeing Kate model these clothes, she really knows how to put the boner in Happy Holidays. That statement doesn’t make any sense, but at this point I’m just ogling Kate’s Christmas miracle and typing random words potato salad hippopotamus Louisiana Purchase…

Original post by Suzi

Great Caesar’s ghost! How does Kim Kardashian stand up straight? She’s got a behemoth ass and now it appears she has breasts the size of watermelons. And not just regular watermelons. I’m talking about genetically-enhanced melons the size of Buicks. Talk about her new reality show? Why the hell would I do that? A.) It’s stupid and B.) You’re looking at my whole day right here. I’ve canceled all my appointments and made Kim Kardashian’s boobs my top priority. Yep, what can I say? I’m a workaholic.

NOTE: I don’t know what this thing is but it needs to be put in a cage immediately.

Original post by Suzi

So is Britney Spears’ vagina still considered news? I mean, this is shocking right? I’m supposed to be shocked? Because Britney is such a genteel princess? Because we’re so used to seeing her sipping tea and attending balls and, I dunno, curtsying? If it weren’t for this picture I bet people would confuse her for British royalty.

Click the image above for the uncensored NSFW version.

Original post by Suzi

I was tempted to just put up these pictures without an explanation and let you think Hilary Duff spends her free time dancing on rooftops, but she’s actually on set filming her new movie Greta. And while I have no idea what the movie is about, judging from these shots (and these sunglasses) you can be sure this movie will be chock full of wild hijinks. And, if they’re still shooting for that Academy Award, alien lesbians.

Original post by Suzi

David Hasselhoff had a relapse in his battle with alcoholism and was admitted to Cedars-Sinai Hospital yesterday where he was treated for alcohol poisoning. David is currently in a custody battle with his ex, Pamela Bach. TMZ reports:

No word on how the latest lapse will affect custody. A judge awarded physical custody of the kids to Hoff, but we’re told for the last five weeks they’ve been living pretty much full-time with David’s ex, Pamela Bach, while he was in Europe shooting “Anaconda 3.” We’re told he had “infrequent contact” with his daughters, something Hoff’s people dispute.

David Hasselhoff is having a tough time with the booze. Yeah, that’s terrible, but let me tell about you the real tragedy here. They’re making Anaconda 3. C’mon! I’d rather pass a kidney stone then sit through that movie. Is this a franchise that really needs a third installment? But, hey, it stars David Hasselhoff, so at least they’re adding some star-power to this one.

Edit: So, I just learned that you pass kidney stones through your urethra. One ticket to Anaconda 3, please. Besides man sauce and urine, there’s only one other thing that comes out of my urethra: Laser beams.

Edit: Okay, maybe one time Chinese throwing stars shot out of it. But that’s where I draw the line.

Edit: Alright, alright. Yes, during a full moon, I shot a silver bullet out of it and killed a werewolf. But, seriously, that’s it.

Edit: A Civil War-era cannonball, Carl Weathers and a map of Middle-Earth. Okay, I’m done.

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears wants to have overnight visits with her children. Her lawyers will present their case at 8:30 AM PST and have urged Britney to actually show up for the hearing. TMZ reports:

We’ve also learned Spears has now had several clean drug tests. Brit’s lawyers will use these tests and other evidence to make their case. They’ve told Britney her presence will show the judge how much she cares about the kids — she finally gets it and plans to show.

Just in case you thought things were leveling out for this whole rag-tag bunch, TMZ had this to report:

Sources say the entire family — Britney, Kevin, Sean Preston and Jayden James — all have pink eye. That’s why K-Fed was wearing a K-Patch at the last hearing.

Well, they’re finally doing something together as a family. Granted it involves discharging puss from their eyes, I’d consider that an improvement for the Spears/Federline clan. At least you can cure this problem with antibiotics and eye drops. Sadly, you can’t cure Britney with anything short of a gastric bypass and frontal lobotomy. Both of which I volunteer to perform. I’m not a surgeon, per se, but I played the game Operation a lot as a kid. Don’t worry. Britney’s nose will beep bright red before I puncture her spleen. I saw that on the Discovery channel once - or was I watching Rudolph? Eh, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Nurse, scalpel.

Original post by Suzi