British model/actress Kelly Brook debuted her new perfume at Superdrug in London yesterday. She possesses two wonderful qualities for being a product salesman: a great smile and a winning personality. Yep, those are the two most notable things about her. I bet if you met her in person those would be the first two things you noticed. Well that, and her intelligence.

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears has been dropping the F-bomb a lot lately while out and about. Now she’s stepped it up a bit with a new jacket that reads “Fuck Off Lover Boy.” Not exactly sure who Britney’s targeting, but I’ll assume it involves a fast-food employee and a lack of extra pickles. US Weekly reports:

On October 11, she was overheard dropping an f-bomb at the upscale Beverly Hills department store Neiman Marcus.
The singer asked for her dog, London, only to be told that he was at her home in Malibu. “Fuck that,” she replied. “That will take us an hour to drive there. Can’t we have the dog messengered over?”

Of course, the article left out that the kids were also at home with the dog – alone. To which Britney replied, “Fuck! Those kids will totally mess that dog up. Somebody call the police and have them tasered. Particularly the older one, what’s his name? Simon? Harold? Doesn’t matter. Just save my fucking dog! Hey, is this top stain resistant? Sometimes those Frap lids aren’t on tight enough because that creepy guy at Starbucks keeps looking at me. It’s like he’s never seen a vagina before. Ooh, that’s a pretty dress…”

Original post by Suzi

Former N’Sync member Lance Bass came out to Britney Spears before he told any of his close friends. Lance told Britney the night she married her first husband Jason Alexander on a whim in Las Vegas. Page Six reports:

Her manager had already gotten rid of [her first husband] Jason [Alexander] - they’d flown him home. Britney was upset about what she had done. I felt bad for her. I knew she was about to go through a lot of crap. I felt the need to share something. So I sat her on my bed, and I’m like, Well, I’m gay!” Spears was “surprised. I was always the Southern gentleman.”

Britney was probably surprised because she didn’t even know what “gay” meant. So she went home and had one of her assistants look in that big thing with all the paper. A book, she believes it called. The assistant started reading the definition of “gay” which means happy, but before she could go any further, Britney said “Oh, it makes so much sense now!” She then had her assistant write Lance a letter: “Dear Lance, I too am gay. Gayer than ever! You see I’ve met a boy named Kevin and I can already see us falling in love and having the most wonderful life together. Will keep you posted. Your gay friend, Britney.”

Original post by Suzi

Paris Hilton is campaigning hard for a role in the new movie Dallas based on the popular 1980’s TV show. Paris is certain she’s landed the role of Lucy Ewing, despite several insider reports that the part is already taken by a young, new actress Katie Cassidy. Ok! Magazine reports:

“In her mind she’s already part of American royalty by being a Hilton,” explains the source. “So she thinks it will be perfect casting. She’s actually surprised the producers haven’t thought of this themselves!”

Oh, those silly producers. How could they not think of Paris Hilton first? Those goofballs have to be playing a joke. I mean, who really looks for acting ability, likability and, I dunno, basic literacy when casting a movie? These guys should do stand-up. I’m dying over here. Not casting Paris Hilton. Ha! That is rich.

Original post by Suzi

Lindsay Lohan’s new boyfriend snowboarder Riley Giles was apparently engaged when he started dating Lindsay. So how did Riley break things off with his fiancee? Simple, he didn’t. Nice, I love that approach. Keeps things mysterious. For her anyway, while you do other chicks. Of course it helps to pick one that’s not, I dunno, constantly photographed by the paparazzi. NY Daily News reports:

And poor Bree Tierney of Murray, Utah, found out he’d moved on from the tabloids.

“Riley just stopped calling Bree and never told her about Lindsay,” her mom, Tess, told Us Weekly. “She found out by seeing photos. It destroyed her.”

But, besides lacking a pair of balls, Riley is respectful towards Lindsay’s alcoholism:

“They did meet once and had sodas at a hotel bar, but they quickly realized it was not the right place to be,” a friend tells us. “Lindsay is sticking to the program.”

I see nothing out of the ordinary here. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl gets engaged. Boy meets another girl with large breasts, drug and alcohol problems and Daddy issues. Boy realizes he can do lots of naked stuff with new girl. Boy abandons fiancee by never calling her again. Boy and new girl get photographed 24/7. Same old tune, just different characters. It’s about as American as apple pie.

Original post by Suzi

Losing her children last week apparently woke Britney Spears up to the fact that she needs to change her ways. It turns out that all this time Britney had no natural maternal instincts. Really? I thought using your kid’s head as an ashtray was as natural as breast-feeding. Who knew? Ok! Magazine has the details of her parenting problems:

“No one has ever trained her or shown her how to look after her boys,” one Britney insider reveals in the next issue of OK!. “She really wants to learn, and she’s going to try really hard. She’s been taking parenting classes and taking them very seriously.”

The source adds that Britney’s limited knowledge of parenting comes from lack of experience, not an absence of love.

“She loves those boys beyond belief,” the source explains. “She just doesn’t know how to be a good mom.”

Britney, once again, I’m here for you. If you’re wondering how to take better care of your kids, just pretend they’re one of your precious Frappucinos. You know, your favorite ice-blended coffee drink that you’d slit someone’s throat if they tried to take away from you. I mean, if someone said you had to show up in court to keep your caramel Frap, you’d show up and not go tanning, right? Now apply that thinking to your kids. Yes, I know they don’t come with extra whipped cream, but that’s part of parenting. It’s tough, but in the end, your kids will soon be able to talk and say things like, “Why do we live at a bus station? Weren’t you rich? You spent how much at Starbucks? Dammit, I could’ve gone to college. I want to live with Dad above the bowling alley.”

Original post by Suzi

First off, I had no idea other celebrities existed besides Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and anyone with a crazy set of fake tits. (Who the hell is Ellen DeGeneres? What is a dog?) Much like you, I’m frightened and confused. Maybe, after this post, will you just hold me? Thanks. FOX News has the details:

DeGeneres explained on her show that the Brussels Griffon terrier mix didn’t get along with her cats, so she gave it to her hairstylist’s family. The owners of Mutts and Moms claimed that DeGeneres violated the adoption agreement by not informing them that she was giving the dog away and removed Iggy from the hairstylist’s home Sunday. As a result of the publicity, Marina Batkis and Vanessa Chekroun received voice mail and e-mail threats of death and arson.

Apparently the adoption agency feel Ellen’s hairdresser’s family is unfit:

Fink said Moms and Mutts has a rule that families with children under 14 are not allowed to adopt small dogs.
“It’s for the protection of the dog,” he said

Man, it sounds like these adoption folks are in some hot water. They’re going to need some dirt on Ellen to dig their way out of this one. Dirt which I just so happen to have. Yep, for a small fee I could be enticed to hand over photos of Ellen eating a kitten. I’ve got them right here in my – oh, wait, my bad. It’s Owen Wilson at a pig roast. You can see how I got them confused, right? Because they’re both blonde and, you know, lesbians.

Original post by Suzi