Feast your eyes on Leonardo DiCaprio’s current girlfriend Bar Rafaeli. She’s an Israeli model seen here at the Selmark Lingerie 2008 Spring-Summer show. Leo dumped Gisele Bundchen to start dating Bar and, I don’t want to say it’s the greatest accomplishment in the history of man, but when compared to the invention of the wheel or the printing press, I just have to ask these two so-called “revolutionary ideas,” where are the boobs?

Original post by Suzi

Tara Reid showed up for the premiere of “Reservation Road” in Beverly Hills last night. She actually looks sort of hot. Which is weird, I know. Underneath all that inexplicable hotness is a sordid tale of plastic surgery gone horribly wrong. But, yet, she looks decent. My penis is so confused right now. He’s just starting out the window, letting out the occasional sigh. Nothing makes sense to him anymore. I tried to get him to go lift up cars like we do every Friday, but he just turned to me and said, “What’s the point? When we’re done, Tara Reid will still be do-able.” *sigh*

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears stood up her parenting coach again who is finally fed up with the singer’s behavior. This latest development adds to Britney’s legal problems in her ongoing custody battle. Yesterday Britney lost visitation rights with her kids because she couldn’t supply a contact number to the people handling her drug tests. TMZ reports:

Sources say Britney had a scheduled time to meet the coach yesterday at her Malibu home. The coach made the trek, but no Britney.

We’re told during the hearing earlier this week, the coach phoned in and asked the Commissioner if she could end the home visits, presumably because they were going nowhere.

So far, in order to keep her kids, Britney Spears has been unable to supply her phone number and be at her own house at a designated time. I could train a freaking chimp to do both those things – while juggling a chainsaw! Actually, that’s not really fair, because I could train a chimp to do a lot of things Britney does. For example: drive a car somewhat safely, eat a Chalupa, flash its genitals and, given an extra week or so, make a Top 40 pop album.

Original post by Suzi

Uma Thurman showed up at the Swarovski Fashion Rocks concert at the Royal Albert Hall yesterday. She was wearing, uh, something, I think. Not exactly sure what kind of fashion statement she’s making here. It’s kind of like Uma woke up and said, “Hey, I want people to know I’ve got nipples. And, also, an ass.” Which is convenient, because just the other day I was thinking to myself, “Does Uma Thurman have all her anatomical parts? Or is she missing a nipple, or perhaps her whole buttocks?” Mystery solved. Now I can focus my awesome mind power on more important things. Aw, yeah, Tetris!

Original post by Suzi

Lindsay Lohan has been spotted in several photos sporting what appears to be an engagement ring. A radio DJ in Nebraska is now claiming he received confirmation from Lindsay’s man Riley Giles that the two are indeed engaged. The DJ made contact with Riley after visiting his ex-fiancee’s MySpace page. Ok! Magazine has the details:

“I read an article about [Riley’s] ex-fiance; I was trying to book her on my radio show,” JJ explains to OK!. “I saw on her MySpace that she was bickering with Riley, so I went back to the article and realized it was Lindsay’s man! This is when I e-mailed him, and tried to get him on the show.”

JJ then claims that Lindsay and Riley, who met in rehab at Cirque Lodge in Sundance, Utah, got engaged, at the Utah resort the actress stayed at after she first exited rehab. JJ tells OK! that it was Riley himself who revealed he was engaged.

Just to bring you up to speed, Riley Giles was engaged to another girl when he started dating Lindsay Lohan. Riley stopped calling his ex and let her find out things were over by reading the tabloids. On the flipside, Lindsay was doing coke in rehab and having sex in bathroom stalls. These two are practically like Adam and Eve – but assholes.

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears has struck again. Last night she got behind the wheel of her car and accidentally ran over a photographer’s foot. Earlier in the day, Britney had just settled things financially with the driver of her first hit and run in August, only to have it happen all over again. People reports:

Spears, 25, driving her white Mercedes convertible, slowly exits the garage while a mob of paparazzi begin taking photos.

Bulbs flashing, a man in a camouflage jacket is seen falling to the ground near her front left tire while apparently shouting in pain.

Another photographer – “Michael” who works for the Web site Celebrity Babylon – told ABC7 that he witnessed the unnamed man’s foot get run over.

So how does Britney respond to the situation? Aw, you totally guessed it. She bolted:

Spears raises a hand to her mouth in shock and is then seen crying behind the wheel as she leaves the scene without checking on the man’s condition.

Everyone needs to realize that crying and driving away is Britney’s reaction to any type of accident. If she stubbed her toe, Britney would run to her car and drive away. Spill a Frappucino; cue the tears and screeching tires. Why did you think she was crying? Because this is just one more legal predicament to prevent Britney from getting her kid’s back? Ha! You’re funny! Seriously, you should be writing this. She was concerned for her kids. That’s adorable.

Original post by Suzi

David Copperfield is being investigated by the FBI though nobody will explain why. He has a warehouse in Las Vegas called the International Museum & Library of the Conjuring Arts where he keeps tricks and memorabilia, and it was raided by FBI agents Wednesday where they seized a computer hard drive, a digital camera memory chip, and nearly two million dollars in cash.

“We understand there is an investigation, we are in touch with the investigators, and are respecting the confidentiality of the investigation,” Copperfield’s lawyer David Chesnoff said in a brief statement.

Everything about this is just so mysterious. I think it’d be pretty funny if the director of the FBI saw a magic special and this whole case is to figure out how David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear. I mean, it was there, and then it wasn’t. Where’d it go?! How’d he do it?! I bet there was a mirror involved. I’m pretty clever when it comes to these things.

Original post by Suzi