Gwen Stefani really knows how to stay in shape. I mean, she looks like she could hold her own in a fight. If there was a battle between Gwen Stefani, The Terminator and myself, I’d totally win. How, you ask? I’d let Gwen wear herself out pummeling the cyborg. Meanwhile, I’d be flexing on top of a tank and smoking a cigar. You know, just my usual Tuesday routine. Nothing to write home about.

Original post by Suzi

Criss Angel at one point was romantically linked to Britney Spears. He was also supposed to have a hand in her comeback VMA performance, but, after some last minute changes, Criss’ magic was noticeably absent and what ensued has left a permanent scar on my retina. Finally, just one day before the premiere of his new show, Criss Angel opened up to Ok! Magazine about what went wrong:

“We were supposed to do a creation of stuff that we worked on and it took a lot of dedication and work to do the things that we wanted to do,” Criss, on the set of his new NBC series Phenomenon, recalls exclusively to OK! about Britney’s planned VMA performance. “Unfortunately for me, she didn’t really want to put forth that type of effort.”

“Basically I said, ‘Don’t worry about me. Do what you want to do. This is a big opportunity for you to do the VMAs, so if you don’t feel it, go with something else.’ And she chose to go with something else.”

If Criss Angel were a real man, he would’ve tackled Britney after the first half-drunk dance step. But he was probably too busy changing his wardrobe for the fifth time. It takes a lot of work to look like a douchebag who spent his life-savings at Hot Topic. Plus Criss also has to decide whether to wear his monogrammed baseball hat or show off his highlights. Which is understandable. You don’t want to look too retarded all at once. You need to spread the douche-iness out over the course of a day.

Original post by Suzi

David Beckham’s soccer season ended on Sunday. He’s been pretty bummed that he hasn’t been able to play due to an injury. So guess who wants to cheer David up? His old buddy Tom Cruise. People reports:

“We will go out and fly some airplanes or race some cars or something like that,” Cruise told BBC Radio 5 Live as he hit the red carpet for the London Film Festival premiere of his new flick, Lions for Lambs, which opens Nov. 9.
Cruise, 45, admitted that any thrilling exploits would first have to get the go-ahead from Beckham’s wife.
“I’ll talk to Victoria and see if she’s all right with that. But we’ll have some fun.”

Tom’s got but nothing for love for David. Pure heterosexual love. I think:

“I know what a competitor he is and I have great admiration for him as an athlete, as a father, and as a husband,” he said. “The guy works so hard – I know personally how dedicated this guy is, and how committed.”

Nothing out of the ordinary here. Just two guys hanging out. Sure, maybe one’s a world-famous actor and the other’s a huge soccer star. And, yeah, maybe one of them wants to have butt sex at 30,000 feet. But, all that aside, it’s just two regular Joes racing cars and flying expensive jets – while possibly naked.

Original post by Suzi

Kim Kardashian will sue Vivid Entertainment if they release another sex tape that continues her escapades with Ray J. The only way you’re going to see more of Kim is in the December issue of Playboy, according to FOX News:

However, the voluptuous vixen is now actually getting paid to strip. Kim will appear in the upcoming edition of Playboy, but Pop Tarts has heard that no nether regions will be revealed in the 12-page spread.
“I’m really happy with how the pictures turned out,” she told Pop Tarts. “It looks really classy and professional.”

I believe my penis and I will be the judges of what is classy and professional, Kim. You stick to what you do best: Showing off that superhuman butt of yours. In fact, if you could just not talk, or do anything but shake your monster ass, I think America, nay, the world, would be a better place. Shh! Less talking, more jiggling. There you go. I can almost feel the world peace. Oh, wait, it’s my wiener. My bad! I always get those two confused.

NOTE: I’m reposting the pics from her birthday because, well, they’re awesome.

Original post by Suzi

Old friends and former employees of Britney Spears have created a MySpace page urging fans to not buy Britney’s new album Blackout – until she gets better. The site Be Proactive to Help was organized by several of Britney’s friends along with a former bodyguard, backup dancer and make-up artist. E! Online reports:

“We’ve all hung out with Britney a lot,” says our source. “We’ve seen her at her best and at her worst. And we aren’t doing this to be mean. We’re doing this out of concern, for herself and for her boys. They need a mother figure and right now, they don’t have that.”

The organizers are putting the blame on Britney’s handlers for capitalizing on her media attention:

The group accuses record executives and other business associates who make money off of Spears as acting as enablers, turning a blind eye to her erratic behavior because she continues to make them money.
“They can see she’s in pain, and they don’t care.”

I’m one step ahead of these guys. I have absolutely no intention of buying Britney Spears’ new album. I’m amazing, aren’t I? I’m like a shining beacon of the human spirit. They should make a Hallmark movie about my life. You know who’d be perfect to play me? Optimus Prime – but with a moustache.

Original post by Suzi

James Lipton, host of Inside the Actor’s Studio, spent his early years working as a pimp in Paris. James has interviewed the top actors of our time for the past 13 years and is revealing the details of his life in a new book. ABC News reports:

“This was when I was very very young, living in Paris, penniless, unable to get any kind of working permit… I had a friend who worked in what is called the Milieu, which is that world and she suggested to me one night, `Look, you’ll be my mec… We would translate it perhaps… as pimp. We were earning our living together, this young woman and I, we made a rather good living, I must say.”

James also set up sex shows in hotel rooms for American tourists:

“I had to accompany my clientelle to the Rue Pigalle, which is where these things occurred. And then I’d take them up to the room and I had to remain there because they were very nervous, they were young Americans for the most part… and they didn’t speak French.”

James Lipton and I are a lot alike if you think about it. We’re just two pioneers trying to help others look at girl’s sexy parts. I mean, sure that’s our only similarity because I’ve never been to France. And maybe I’m not the dean of a distinguished acting school. Also I’ve never interviewed Al Pacino or Harrison Ford. Okay, maybe I’m just a guy in his boxers surrounded by whiskey bottles and Legos. But, if that’s not exactly like James Lipton, then clearly I have no idea who the hell he is. He was in Star Wars, right?

Original post by Suzi

Halle Berry made a joke Friday on The Tonight Show that some are calling anti-Semitic. Halle was promoting her new movie “Things We Lost in The Fire” and was using her laptop to show Jay distorted pictures of herself. Sounds like comedy gold to me. What could possibly go wrong? Page Six reports:

According to one audience member, “She introduced the first photo by saying, ‘Here’s where I look like my Jewish cousin!’ - it was a picture of her with a huge, distorted nose. No one laughed, and Jay nervously said, ‘I’m glad you said that and not me.’ When the show aired, they cut out her ‘Jewish’ comment and added a laugh track to the bit.”

A very tearful Halle Berry contacted Page Six to set the record straight:

“I so didn’t mean to offend anybody - and after the show I realized it could be seen as offensive, so I asked Jay to take it out, and he did.What happened was I was backstage before the show and I have three girls who are Jewish who work for me. We were going through pictures to see which ones looked silly, and one of my Jewish friends said [of the big-nose picture], ‘That could be your Jewish cousin!’ And I guess it was fresh in my mind, and it just came out of my mouth. But I didn’t mean to offend anybody. I didn’t. I didn’t mean any harm.

So Halle Berry makes an anti-Semitic joke and who does she blame? The Jews. I believe it’s time to hire a new publicist. You know, one that isn’t Hitler. In the meantime, somewhere, somehow, Mel Gibson has a giant boner.

Original post by Suzi