English model/actress Kelly Brook keeps her body in great shape. Want to know her secret? Doing it. A lot. The Daily Mail shares her advice that every attractive woman I meet should know:

The former Big Breakfast keeps her figure trim by “having tons of sex so you look fit and healthy - it’s the best thing in the world.”
Asked for her hot tip on maintaining a good sex life, she replied: “Fantastic lighting! When you redecorate, make sure everything’s on dimmers. Either that or candlelight.”

I’m not going to say Kelly Brook’s boyfriend Billy Zane is the luckiest bastard in the world, but I will say that if I could stab him in the chest and then wear his body like a suit, I would. Wait a minute, why is there a dimmer switch on Billy Zane’s testicles? Jesus, lady, you’ve got a problem. We need to talk about this. But after we work off that half a biscuit, fatty.

Original post by Suzi

Elizabeth Hurley hit the Seychelles this weekend with her new husband Indian playboy Arun Nayar. She also brought her old husband Hugh Grant. Sounds like a great vacation. I bet she made Hugh Grant sleep at the foot of their bed. You know, to let him see what he’s missing by dating young, nubile actresses that haven’t been cruelly ravaged by the effects of time. The crazy fool.

Original post by Suzi

Several law enforcement officials have confirmed that a Seattle grand jury is investigating the accusations that David Copperfield sexually assaulted an aspiring 21-year-old model. The Seattle Times pretty much confirms earlier reports from The National Enquirer and provides info on how the magician first met his alleged victim while at a show with her family:

They were led to special seats, and Copperfield selected the woman to come on stage as part of his act, the federal sources said.
Sources confirmed that the woman told investigators Copperfield later promised he could help with her modeling career and invited her to his isolated $50 million private retreat at Musha Cay, in a tiny string of white-sand islands 85 miles southeast of Nassau, Bahamas. From Nassau, the retreat is accessible only by charter plane and then private boat.

David Copperfield told the woman there’d be other guests on the island, but when she arrived, it was just her and the magician:

She has told Seattle police, and later the FBI, that Copperfield raped and struck her during her two days on the island, said sources familiar with her allegations.
She said that, afterward, Copperfield threatened her, telling her she’d better keep quiet, and then escorted her onto a plane.

Is this the natural progression of things? Get famous. Date Victoria’s Secret model. Become bored. Buy your own set of islands where you act out depraved, power-mad sexual fantasies with young women. What happened to shuffleboard? I thought old people went bananas for that game.So, what, now they’re into crazy, James Bond villain shenanigans with private islands? Maybe that’s why my grandpa keeps saving all those coins. Oh, no, wait, it’s the dementia. My bad.

Original post by Suzi

Kelly Osbourne celebrated her 23rd birthday Saturday at Maya in Soho. It appears she’s not wearing any pants. Hence why there’re no other pictures of her besides this one. Sure these paparazzi-folk put themselves in harm’s way to get any shot. There is a limit. A large, pale cellulite limit. How this photog’s camera didn’t burst into flames is beyond me. Unless. I’ve seen this angle before. Could it be? No. But, maybe. Satan?

Original post by Suzi

Kevin Federline has remained quiet about the details of his divorce with Britney Spears. But he has opened up to his girlfriend Nicole Narain. Like a caring significant other Nicole shared the details of Kevin’s personal life with News of the World - along with a few glamour shots and the name of her agent. This is kind of a long one, but what do you have to do? Work? You make me laugh. Dig in:

On Britney’s mental state:
“Her mood swings are now so wild that I live in fear of getting a call telling me that she has killed herself. I can’t allow her to have custody because I seriously believe she could harm our sons. I’ve shared her life and I know she’s capable of anything with pills and a few drinks inside her.”

On Britney’s drinking:
“I’d see her walking around the house guzzling vodka and Coke and looking very tipsy. Then a few moments later, I saw her pick up Jayden and start breast-feeding him. That sent me up the wall. I yelled at her, ‘If you really wanna drink then make sure the baby gets bottled milk, not yours.’”

On what led to the divorce:
“I only found out when I heard it as a news item on the radio. I felt she was just trying to teach me a lesson for telling her off about the breast-feeding incident. But when I called she kicked off another row and screamed, ‘You’re nothing without me’.”

On Britney’s parenting:
“During the last few months I’d started picking her up on her parenting skills. She’d leave the kids near the pool unsupervised or drive around without belting them in. She always insisted what she was doing was right. There was no getting through to her.”

On Britney’s bi-curious pass at Nicole:
“I was doing my make-up and I could feel someone staring at me. It was Britney, in a green dress and looking a bit spaced-out. She looked at me in a provocative way… I thought she was hoping to get me closer to her. When I told Kevin he nodded and said, ‘Knowing her, she probably was’.”

I don’t think there’s anything Britney Spears could do at this point that would faze me. She could give her children a bath in a volcano, and I’d be like, yeah, so, kids get dirty. She was probably using Sean as a rag to wash the car. Granted, Jayden is younger and gives the BMW a nice shine, the little scamp was probably stuck in the pool filter - again. Ha, kids.

Original post by Suzi

Nicole Kidman walked down the red carpet yesterday at the 2007 ARIA Awards in Sydney Australia. Turns out her clothes may have been a bit transparent. I wonder if Tom Cruise saw these pictures and thought about what he’s missing. You know, if he was into chicks. Impossible. I know. But sometimes I like to challenge my readers. Make them use their imagination to visualize scenarios that defy all logic and reason. Perhaps some dude out there in a lab is reading this and imagining Tom Cruise liking women. Then, POW, he invents the flying car. Or he gets fired for looking at some old Aussie ass. Either way, I like to think I’ve made a difference.

Original post by Suzi

Paris Hilton was in the Halloween spirit this weekend as she attended several parties including one at the Playboy Mansion. While the thought of Paris as an actual practitioner of medicine ensures I’ll never visit a hospital again, anyone else thinks she looks, I dunno, kind of hot in the sailor outfit? That’s wrong, I know. I shouldn’t even be thinking that. I’d be safer having sex with a lawn mower. Not that I would or anything. Unless it was wearing a slutty sailor’s outfit. Then, c’mon, how do you not?

Original post by Suzi