During her mid-30’s, Madonna’s biological clock started ticking and she was desperate to have children. According to a new book released today “Madonna: Like an Icon”, she almost let the late rapper Tupac Shakur bust a kid up in there. NY Daily News reports:

The singer’s friend Alison Clarkson recalls when she was briefly dating Tupac Shakur, one year before his death.
“She was going out with him … but homegirls were saying to him, ‘I can’t believe you’re going out with a white girl,’” - so she got dumped!

Why does it have to be about race all the time? Maybe Tupac, being the forward thinker that he was, just liked vagina. Regardless of skin color. Did anyone think of that? I believe there’s a saying, “We’re all gray in the dark.” Except for the freaky pale Irish. They tend to glow.

Original post by Suzi

Josh Duhamel plays a dad-to-be on NBC’s Las Vegas and apparently his work is getting to him, because Josh wants kids and can’t wait to knock up his longtime girlfriend Fergie. Ok! Magazine reports:

“I’ve got a lot of friends with kids. Two of my friends have three kids. They all have kids except for me—so I got to get on the horse!”

Josh said his experience on Las Vegas is getting him ready for the pregnancy process:

“I’ve never been through that and it’s sort of dawned on me as I go — wait, that probably would happen. Maybe she would take it as you not being sexually attracted to her when in fact, maybe you’re just worried that you’re going to hurt the baby.” Then he joked, “And you realize you can’t hurt the baby. You’ve just got to do it doggie style. NO!”

Josh Duhamel, ladies and gentleman. Sexual daredevil. Not only is he unafraid to have sex with Fergie, but he would also do a pregnant chick. I don’t know whether to shake his hand or punch him continually in the neck until he passes out. And from there, take him to a secluded cabin where I’ll teach him that, no, it is not cool for chicks to look like dudes. I don’t care what style of sex you have. I mean, what if she turns around? Then it’s all tears and confusion and questions about your sexual identity. Just like my prom night.

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears released her new album Blackout today. To drum up some press, because apparently there’s not enough, Jive sent out photos of a half-naked Britney sitting on the lap of a priest in a confession booth. The photos are also included in the liner notes for her new album. The Catholic Church wasn’t too thrilled about this “bottom of the barrel” stunt, according to NY Daily News:

“This is all the puzzle pieces coming together. This girl is crashing,” said Bill Donohue, president of the New York-based Catholic League. “She’s not even allowed to bring up her own kids because she’s not responsible enough. Now we see she can’t even entertain.”

Clearly Britney Spears’ publicist is ripping pages straight from the Madonna playbook. Unfortunately for them, Britney is pretty much stuck on pissing off Catholics and wearing Kabbalah bracelets. She’s barely allowed to have her own kids, so she can’t adopt one from Africa. Also the marrying Sean Penn thing is out too. Besides the fact that he has a wife, I heard that Sean Penn not only hates the Iraq war but also hates “fatty-fat fat-fat’s.” That’s a direct quote that I in no way made up.

Original post by Suzi

I debated whether or not to look at these photos of Kim Kardashian’s Playboy shoot. I was kind of hoping to see them for the first time on Christmas morning. You know, the snow is falling outside. The tree is sparkling and lit up. The whole family is abuzz with holiday cheer. I’ll take a seat near the fireplace and open up to Kim Kardashian’s photos. “Look, Grandma, a nipple! Can you believe it?” As I sip from my mug I’ll call for the children because only their innocent eyes can tell me if Kim Kardashian’s ass truly is a portal to the magical world of Narnia. Sure their parents might call the police and Aunt Sarah’s Nativity scene gets broken in the scuffle. But, darn it, that’s what the holidays are all about. Family. Oh yeah, and also sweet, heavenly asses surrounded by white fur. That too.

The photos below are totally NSFW. Unless your boss is super cool, or perhaps he’s, I dunno, Jesus. Then click away.

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears decided to do the Halloween thing last night and dressed up like a busty pirate wench. Or so the caption of this photo told me. I just figured it was her normal outfit. She could wear a pirate hat and I wouldn’t even know it was a costume. I’d assume it was Britney’s way of saying she wants some Long John Silver’s. Or a thermos full of rum. I’m still learning the intricacies of her language. Now, if she only shows the right half of her vagina, that means Burger King, right? Or does her ass hanging out mean Burger King? I really should write this stuff down.

I threw in some shots of Britney sans the pirate get-up and Alli Sims getting pulled over early this morning after leaving the clubs. I know how much you guys love justice. But, trick or treat, they only got a warning! Halloween is fun.

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears decided to do the Halloween thing last night and dressed up like a busty pirate wench. Or so the caption of this photo told me. I just figured it was her normal outfit. She could wear a pirate hat and I wouldn’t even know it was a costume. I’d assume it was Britney’s way of saying she wants some Long John Silver’s. Or a thermos full of rum. I’m still learning the intricacies of her language. Now, if she only shows the right half of her vagina, that means Burger King, right? Or does her ass hanging out mean Burger King? I really should write this stuff down.

I threw in some shots of Britney sans the pirate get-up and Alli Sims getting pulled over early this morning after leaving the clubs. I know how much you guys love justice. But, trick or treat, they only got a warning! Halloween is fun.

UPDATE: According to ET Online, Britney is decked out in the pirate garb to attend a midnight release of her new album “Blackout” at the Virgin Mega Store in Hollywood. But, when Britney arrived, she couldn’t find a parking space, so she bailed and went clubbing with Alli Sims instead. Her publicist has to drink a lot.

Original post by Suzi

English model/actress Kelly Brook keeps her body in great shape. Want to know her secret? Doing it. A lot. The Daily Mail shares her advice that every attractive woman I meet should know:

The former Big Breakfast keeps her figure trim by “having tons of sex so you look fit and healthy - it’s the best thing in the world.”
Asked for her hot tip on maintaining a good sex life, she replied: “Fantastic lighting! When you redecorate, make sure everything’s on dimmers. Either that or candlelight.”

I’m not going to say Kelly Brook’s boyfriend Billy Zane is the luckiest bastard in the world, but I will say that if I could stab him in the chest and then wear his body like a suit, I would. Wait a minute, why is there a dimmer switch on Billy Zane’s testicles? Jesus, lady, you’ve got a problem. We need to talk about this. But after we work off that half a biscuit, fatty.

Original post by Suzi