Claudia Schiffer came out of retirement to shoot the new Chanel campaign with famed photographer Karl Lagerfeld. The shoot took place over two days in St. Tropez, France. Claudia decided to show these young models how to really wear a see-through dress. With a thong. And no bra. Yeah, take a good look for an hour or so and then realize she used to date David Copperfield. Of course this was a simpler time. Back before the secret codes and private island shenanigans. When all you needed to score a supermodel was a smile, your own prime-time special and a few billion in the bank. It was anyone’s game, really.

Original post by Suzi

Vanessa Hudgens hit the gym with her father yesterday. When the paparazzi caught up with them in the parking lot, Vanessa’s dad decided to wield his trusty, uh, water bottle? Apparently he splashed one of the photographers. That’s it? From the looks of this guy, I expected at least a few broken limbs and perhaps a flipped over car or two. Can you imagine the first time he met Vanessa’s boyfriend Zac Efron? “So, what now, my little Vanessa? You are lesbian? I am furious with anger. Bring your papa his Sprite so he may splash you and your lover with the lemon and the lime. Why is your girlfriend smiling at me like so? I thought she, how you say, eat at Y?”

Original post by Suzi

One day after the writers strike began, Ellen DeGeneres crossed the picket line to tape an episode of her show on Tuesday. She skipped her usual monologue in honor of her writers who she says she loves, but she didn’t want to disappoint the audience who “traveled across the country.” However, shortly after word of her strikebreaking spread, some writers who worked on Ellen’s sitcom are saying she’s full of crap. Page Six reports:

“We’d watch her in rehearsals, smiling and winning us over with her charm and comic timing. Then the director would yell cut, her face would fall, and she’d level a glare at the writers. ‘Why do you keep writing these unfunny jokes?’ she’d hiss.
“Ellen frequently eviscerated the head writer and . . . boasted of the changes she’d make in season two, starting with his firing.”
“I’m disappointed in Ellen [for crossing the picket line] but not surprised . . . given what I’ve seen from her with my own two eyes.”

Another source for Page Six offered his insight on the situation:

A TV insider said DeGeneres is unwilling to honor the picket line because “this is her last chance in show business. This show is the only thing keeping her from a lifetime of touring college campuses.”

Are college students even into Ellen DeGeneres? Last time I checked they were into things like Dave Matthews, Ultimate Frisbee and Facebook which, now that I think about it, are all ridiculously gay. Hmm, maybe this Ellen on campus thing could work out. That’s good for her considering no one wants to write for her again. Especially not me. I thought the pilot I wrote where Ellen ran a sushi bar was not only witty but informative. Ellen thought it was worth a taser to the nads followed by a restraining order. Creative differences, I suppose.

Original post by Suzi

Pauly Shore and his girlfriend are on vacation this week in Hawaii. I’m impressed that, in sheer defiance of his gut, Pauly Shore managed to snag a respectable looking woman. (At least in the boob region. I don’t do faces.) That being said, you’ve got to respect a man who wears a bathing suit like that. Pauly Shore’s not afraid to show people that the chick he’s with will do anything for money. Despite the fact she just threw up on a jellyfish. And is now swimming frantically out to sea. Jesus, look at her go. Something’s got her spooked. Oh, right, the bathing suit.

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears ran a red light at a dangerous intersection while trying to use her cell phone last night. Not only were her kids in the car, but so was the court-appointed monitor. She’s already in love with Britney to begin with, so I’m sure a near-death experience just strengthened the bond. The whole thing was captured on tape and will probably spell trouble for Britney considering the judge doesn’t approve of her driving. TMZ reports:

The Popwreck approached the light slowly on Coldwater Canyon. You then see Britney raise her cellphone to her face. It is unclear if she’s texting or making a call. She then drives into the intersection as someone outside the car screams, “Red light, red light!” Britney then turns left onto Mulholland Drive, managing to miss oncoming traffic.

I find it amazing enough that Britney Spears has the mental capacity to operate a motor vehicle, but now you want her to recognize signs and primary colors? Clearly you don’t understand what it’s like to be Britney. You’re not a pop star with a No. 1 album to promote…. Ha ha ha! Wow. Her lawyer is good. Real good. I couldn’t even type that with a straight face. I think I may have peed a little. Oh no, that’s a lot. Anyone have a Wet-Vac I can borrow?

Original post by Suzi

Blake Fielder-Civil, husband of singer Amy Winehouse, was arrested on charges of offering a bartender he severely beat £200,000 to withdrawal his police statement. Blake and his accomplice had two associates contact the victim Andrew King and offer him the money along with plane tickets to fly overseas on the day of the trial so the case would collapse. The Mirror reports:

As part of our investigation King, who needed metal plates fitted in his face, was filmed withdrawing his allegations about the assault.
Amy was not filmed at meetings observed by the Mirror and there is no evidence to suggest she was involved in the alleged plot.
But police, who raided her home yesterday in an attempt to gather evidence of the claimed plot, will wish to see whether she can help.
Amy was said to be desperately worried that her husband could receive a lengthy jail sentence if convicted.

This sounds like a bad Guy Ritchie movie. Except it doesn’t star Madonna, so maybe it sounds like a good Guy Ritchie movie. One I’d actually watch without jabbing myself in the eye with a cocktail fork. I hope this one ends with Blake Fielder-Civil getting his skull caved in by Jason Statham’s fist. Then everyone listens to the Beatles, drinks tea and says “Pip, pip, cheerio” just before losing the Revolutionary War to Paul Revere in an F-16. I guess you can say I like my movies historically accurate – but with jets.

Original post by Suzi

After weeks of boring the hell out of me, Lindsay Lohan appears to be in the early stages of a comeback. She went out to eat at You & Me restaurant in L.A. last night and opted to go with the always classic black sheer see-through shirt and no bra. Except unlike Kate Moss I actually want to see Lindsay Lohan’s nipples and perhaps become good friends. Maybe we’ll get some coffee. Or catch a movie. Whatever they’re comfortable with. Though I doubt they’re picky. I mean, c’mon, look who they’re attached to. As long as they’re not engaged in some sort of barter system to obtain coke or near her dad, which is sort of redundant, I think they’ll be cool.

Original post by Suzi