Heidi Klum’s dress did a bad/awesome?/I dunno job of covering her ass at the 12th Annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show last night. As you can tell I’m not really sure how I feel about these shots, but I’ve decided to share them with you. Maybe because I hate you or maybe because I love you. It all depends on your interpretation of Heidi Klum’s ass crack. Actually, I’d prefer this instead of those ink blot tests my therapist uses. All I ever see in those things is Hayden Panettiere punching a dinosaur. Yeah, she’s mostly mad because my dad ordered us a new mommy from Russia because old mommy “didn’t understand that scotch gives daddy his superpowers.” Which makes sense. Whenever I drink scotch I suddenly develop the uncanny ability to vomit into the dishwasher. I should fight crime.

Original post by Suzi

Commissioner Scott Gordon ordered this afternoon that Britney Spears is no longer allowed to drive with her children in the car. Britney had run a red-light last week with her children and court appointed monitor in the car which prompted Kevin Federline’s lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan to call for an emergency hearing. They wanted to revoke Britney’s driving privileges and succeeded, according to E! News:

“Orders were made,” Kaplan said upon leaving the courtroom. “I can’t discuss the content of those orders. Documents have not been released by the court, and I don’t know if they will be. The matter will be continued at a future date.”

For those of you reading at home, that’s lawyer talk for “Hell yeah, we kicked some ass.” Though I don’t really think Kevin’s lawyer are in a position to brag. I mean, their job is way too easy. I’m sure they can get the judge to agree with them on anything. They could petition the judge to make Britney Spears grow a mustache and box and kangaroo and he’d probably go for it.

Original post by Suzi

Amy Winehouse was caught on tape pulling a tissue out of her beehive then blowing her nose with it. Jesus, what else does she have in there? Besides a mini-fridge, meth lab and obviously a Kleenex factory. But she could have other stuff there. Cool stuff, like a tank. Or perhaps some not so cool stuff, like terrorists. Shit, what if they find the tank? I knew that beehive was trouble. But Amy Winehouse just wouldn’t listen. You know what else is retro, Amy? America. Maybe you should wear that on your head next time.

Video of the beehive’s storage abilities after the jump.

Original post by Suzi

We’ve seen them get off a plane. We’ve seen them get a Hollywood star. Now, we get to see them in their most useful and awesome form: wearing lingerie. Scope out the 50 billion pics below of the 12th Annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show held at the Kodak Theater in Hollywood last night. The show won’t be aired until December 4th, so consider this an early Christmas gift. I’m kind of like Santa Claus, if he was the end result of Superman knocking up Jessica Biel after a night of binge drinking and gambling. I really should write holiday specials for children.

Enough pretty pictures to swaddle the Baby Jesus twice after the jump.

Heidi Klum

Alessandra Ambrosio

Adriana Lima

Original post by Suzi

Ali Larter gave the paparazzi a glimpse at her nipple when her blouse came open outside the Green Room in Hollywood last night. How do you wear an outfit like that and not expect to show a little nip? I mean, bless her for doing so. I admire a woman who says, “Yes, this open blouse will definitely cover up my bra-less chest.” I, too, enjoy defying the laws of physics by squeezing my wrought-iron pecs into a Baby Gap tee every night. Sure, before I reach the club it’s nothing but tatters. That just saves the ladies a whole lot of work. Except when I’m not allowed in because my sexiness is a fire hazard. Stupid fire codes, why must you discriminate? I can’t help it. I’m the way God, a couple of plastic surgeons, and some meteors that landed in my pool made me!

NOTE: The video is extremely disappointing and apparently censored with a price tag. I really don’t know…

Original post by Suzi

Kim Kardashian says she posed nude for Playboy because she’s a role model. It wasn’t for the money or the attention. Nope, it was for the ladies out there who need someone to look up to. NY Daily News reports:

“I did it because I’m not one of those stick-skinny girls you see. I felt like girls today need to see a normal body,” she told us at the Morgan 4 Ever launch at Underbar last week. “My mom actually pushed me to do it! I think she’s living vicariously through me a little bit.”

Kim Kardashian does have a point. If girls out there can’t find an accurate portrayal of women in Playboy, where can they find one? Hats off to you, Kim Kardashian, for emboldening your fellow females to look at porn. Seriously, I’ve been trying for years, but you might actually be onto something. Although one time I was pretty close when I edited together “Dr. Boneherfine, M.D.” and “Grey’s Anatomy.” I think my date noticed something was off when Patrick Dempsey’s face was replaced with lesbian nurses. However, deep down, she seemed to enjoy it. She was even crying at one point. Most likely tears of joy. I mean, why else would she pepper spray me in the mouth then jump out a window? Women. They’re so cute when they’re happy.

Original post by Suzi

Kim Kardashian says she posed nude for Playboy because she’s a role model. It wasn’t for the money or the attention. Nope, it was for the ladies out there who need someone to look up to. NY Daily News reports:

“I did it because I’m not one of those stick-skinny girls you see. I felt like girls today need to see a normal body,” she told us at the Morgan 4 Ever launch at Underbar last week. “My mom actually pushed me to do it! I think she’s living vicariously through me a little bit.”

Kim Kardashian does have a point. If girls out there can’t find an accurate portrayal of women in Playboy, where can they find one? Hats off to you, Kim Kardashian, for emboldening your fellow females to look at porn. Seriously, I’ve been trying for years, but you might actually be onto something. Although one time I was pretty close when I edited together “Dr. Boneherfine, M.D.” and “Grey’s Anatomy.” I think my date noticed something was off when Patrick Dempsey’s face was replaced with lesbian nurses. However, deep down, she seemed to enjoy it. She was even crying at one point. Most likely tears of joy. I mean, why else would she pepper spray me in the mouth then jump out a window? Women. They’re so cute when they’re happy.

Original post by Suzi