These photos just recently surfaced, but they were taken two weeks ago while Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey were on vacation in the British Virgin Islands. And I use the term ‘vacation’ loosely, since you probably have to have a job to actually take a vacation. Although to be fair, lying around on the beach and having sex all day is tough work. I’ve been doing it full-time for over ten years now and, despite what the line of satisfied ladies might suggest, I still consider myself only semi-professional. And by semi-professional, I mean if lying on the beach and having sex was like knocking over buildings, I’d be motherfucking Godzilla.

A ton more of Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey wishing they were employed after the jump.

MORE OF THE SAME

Original post by Suzi

Hilary Duff was spotted at Club Butter early yesterday morning. I think it’s cute how she still wears those fedora hats. You know, the kind that even Britney Spears won’t wear anymore. I’m sure the designers of those hats are thrilled. “No, please, Hilary, it’s alright. Britney Spears already ruined these for everyone, so, yeah, just take it off. You’ve got gum in your hair? And some tin foil left over from a dye job? That’s still hotter. Bubbalicious, baby. It’s the new sexy. Really brings out the foil.” Then they’d give her a handful of oatmeal to wear on her head because, you know, still looks better than the hat.

Original post by Suzi

Mariah Carey stopped by Ellen’s show yesterday, you know the one that’s still going on despite a writer’s strike. Mariah was wearing her new perfume, M by Mariah Carey, prompting Ellen to say, “you smell a little like s’mores,” according to People:

“The marshmallow element you smelled before is the top note and was a subliminal thing – just to give you little campfire memories,” she explained of her first-ever fragrance.

Mariah Carey smells like campfire treats. Wow, I was way off. I always assumed she smelled like postage stamps, crazy, and a bushel of cleavage. Shows how much I know. Of course, I do spend half the day with my nose inside a brandy snifter. Is the brandy supposed to go up your nose? Is that how fancy people do it? Because I’m feeling kind of funny. And by funny, I mean awesome, and no longer see the need to wear pants. Stop oppressing me, slacks!

Original post by Suzi

In preparation for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show on December 4, Heidi Klum made this video which, um, I don’t even know. Is this supposed to make me want to buy lingerie? Because it doesn’t. It makes me want to club Heidi Klum over the head and run for my life. She seems like a pretty enough girl, but I’d rather listen to the sound of a gun going off in my face than to her speak for twenty minutes.

Original post by Suzi

Dr. Jan Adams, the plastic surgeon who worked on Kanye West’s mother before she died, appeared on Larry King Live last night. Dr. Adams briefly stated his intentions to clear up inaccuracies in the press that were being said about him. He then said Kanye West’s family, who he loves and respects, had asked him not to go on. So he got up and walked out. People reports:

Later in the show, it was revealed that Adams had received a letter from the West family’s lawyers earlier Tuesday asking him not to appear on the show – and threatening to ask the Medical Board of California to decertify him if he spoke about the case.

“When they are comfortable, then I will be comfortable [speaking out],” Adams told King. “If they are never comfortable, then I will never be comfortable.”

The doctor then removed his ear piece and walked off stage while King cut to commercial.

I’m not a legal expert (I just know how to falsify documents that allow me to hunt man, the most dangerous animal of them all), but I’m pretty sure going on a national talk show to discuss a topic then walking off kind of makes you look guilty. In fact, he probably could’ve pulled out the body and started hitting it with a hammer while laughing and he’d look more innocent than he does now.

Check out the video after the jump.

Original post by Suzi

Jenna Elfman joined the striking writers as they marched down Hollywood Blvd yesterday. I don’t think her intentions were entirely altruistic. Look, guys, I’m flashing the peace sign at the camera and getting attention for your cause. Now, please, write me a hit show. Please! I live at the bowling alley. Ooh, yay, here come more photographers. What do they mean by “take off your sunglasses, Charlize?” I’m Jenna, but okay, I’ll take them off- - Wait, don’t cry! Hey, who threw a camera bag at me?! What did I ever do to you? Besides Dharma and Greg. I should get a freebie. Oh God, put down the tripod!

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears’ family is planning another intervention to get the troubled star to return to rehab. They were hoping losing custody of her kids would motivate Britney to get her life together, but, well, it’s Britney. She ate fried chicken instead. OK! Magazine reports:

“Although her mom and dad are divorced, they are banding together for the sake of their daughter and their grandsons,” the family friend tells OK!. “Her sister and brother have been meeting with their parents to figure out the best way to confront Britney. They know she needs a huge wake-up call if she is going to be successful in keeping her children and putting her life back on track.”

Remember when you started experimenting with drugs and an intervention meant your dad beating you in the basement with a lead pipe? Those were the good old days. I’m not suggesting someone tries that with Britney, but I’m also not suggesting it wouldn’t be a bad idea. In fact, here’s a pipe. I don’t know how that gun got taped to it. Or where these bullets came from. Must’ve been the rehab fairy. She’s so silly!

Original post by Suzi