Paris Hilton took her new Swedish model boyfriend Alexander von Zweigbergk Vaggo to meet her parents for dinner at Madeos in Beverly Hills. Paris’ parents Rick and Kathy were celebrating their 28th anniversary together. The highlight of the evening will be when Rick leans over to Alex and whispers, “There are two condoms in my hand. I want you to wear them both at the same time. Don’t ask any questions. You seem like good people.” Alex will then ask “Is this to, how you say, not make baby?” Rick will smile and say, “Don’t worry, Kathy and I took care of that when she was 16. Thank you, Mexican free clinic. Ha ha, good times. No, seriously, the rubbers are to protect your ding-dong, son. Jesus, don’t you read the papers?”

Original post by Suzi

Katie Holmes accompanied Tom Cruise to the Bambi Awards in Germany this evening. Katie showed off her new hairdo which further proves that she is just a giant walking doll for Tom Cruise to play dress-up with. I’m looking forward to her next look which I’m willing to bet will be a lumberjack. Complete with real-live moustache. How’d she do that? Let’s just say Tom does the cooking and added an extra ingredient. He’s not saying, but here’s a hint: It’s hormone pills.

Original post by Suzi

A very pregnant Helena Bonham Carter was spotted last night leaving Cipriani in London with her husband director Tim Burton. They look like street urchins that made a heroin-fueled escape from a production of Charles Dicken’s “A Christmas Carol.” Helena Bonham Carter seems to be amazed there’s a ground beneath her feet. While Tim Burton’s deep inside his brain trying to decide which is more awesome: stop-motion animation or Johnny Depp. Whichever one wins will be the kid’s name. Unless they go with “Gothy McGothicstein.”

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears showed up twelve hours late to the set of her new video for “Piece of Me.” Shooting wrapped around 5 a.m. yesterday morning. The dancers were pissed about Britney’s tardiness and let some secrets slip to Us Magazine:

In the video, Spears and four look-alikes — dressed in black newsboy caps, sunglasses, black trench coats and short blond wigs — to try trick the paparazzi.
Spears used a “body double to shoot all the scenes that don’t require her face,” an on-set source tells Us.

Wait, hold on a second. Britney Spears actually made a smart decision by using a body double instead of her own Pillsbury Doughboy-esque form? That’s almost amazing. Until you realize it’s to the point where, if they can just get Britney Spears to sort of look at the camera, they’ve got themselves a video: “And, action! Alright, Britney, just sort of turn your head over here towards the camera. That’s it. Follow the candy cane, and, bam, we got it. That’s a wrap! Somebody edit out the hamburger she was biting into. I’ll be in my trailer.”

Original post by Suzi

Pamela Anderson plans to retire in a few years. Her latest role has been magician’s assistant for Hans Klok “Beauty of Magic” show in Las Vegas. Pamela tells USA Today she’s content with her magic work and has no ambitions to return to acting:

“I get offers to do movies and TV all the time. I say no to everything. Drives my agent crazy,” she says, laughing. “But I’m lazy. I don’t want to work. I want to be with my kids (Brandon, 11, and Dylan, 9, with ex-husband Tommy Lee). So I just fly in from L.A., do a few days of shows and go back home.”
“Five more years of (T&A), and I’ll go back to Canada,” the British Columbia native says. “I’ve got some land. It’ll be time.”

What exactly is Pamela Anderson retiring from? She shows up to random places with her giant rack and, judging by these photos, tries to give heart attacks to the elderly obese. It’s pretty much a lifelong occupation. That’d be like me trying to retire from being so sexy. It’s goddamn impossible.

Original post by Suzi

Kim Kardashian’s claim that somebody stole $50,000 worth of stuff from her bag at JFK airport is not flying with authorities, according to Page Six:

The sex tape vixen and reality TV star supposedly lost her diamonds, a Cartier watch, digital camera and her laptop on Nov. 8, but law enforcement officials suspect it’s a publicity stunt. Neither Port Authority cops, the NYPD nor the Queens district attorney has any report of a theft.

Well, who didn’t see that one coming? At least it gives me an excuse to post this picture of Kim Kardashian with two Playboy Bunnies. I guess you can say I have a real passion for the news. Despite being fired from the local TV station for having a real passion for the weathergirl. Apparently yelling “I’ve got a storm front in my pants!” during her on-air report is considered sexual harassment these days. Perhaps I should’ve stuck to asking her to “sprinkle a little sexy in my coffee.” You know, keep things professional.

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears decided to be a diva while shopping for panties late one night at the Hustler Store in West Hollywood. She took a bunch of sexy thongs to the dressing room where store employees told her customers can’t try on underwear. Britney with her lack of hygiene and common sense flipped her shit. Us Magazine reports:

At that point, Spears threw a fit, and took off her own underwear before trying on a pair of boyshorts (with “Barely Legal’ stitched across the rear end) in the middle of the store while 15 other customers looked on.
An eyewitness tells Us, “The employees kept saying ‘Don’t change out here!’ She’s just like, ‘Well, I couldn’t take them in the fitting room!’ It was like dealing with a child.”

Since the boyshorts were now hazardous material, employees told Britney she had to pay for them:

“She rolled her eyes, but paid with a credit card,” the source tells Us. As payback, “on her way out, she went up to a mannequin, snatched the wig off the head, and stole it!”

I love how Britney Spear’s natural reaction to any confrontation is frontal nudity. I admire that. It’s something her fans can look up to: When faced with adversity, the first line of defense is taking off your pants. I guess you can say I’m something of master at this technique. Adversity is a fancy word for the Spice channel, right? If not, I may have to cancel that self-help seminar I’m giving this weekend - or do I?

Original post by Suzi