Kate Hudson attended Movies Rock: A Celebration of Music in Film at the Kodak Theater in Hollywood last night. Judging by her facial expression she’s either seen an old friend or received the engraved invitation to my mountain villa. Though I hope Kate isn’t thinking I’ll be a “sure thing” just because I had a drunken one night stand with a bag of potato chips. Those chips understood me and we connected on a spiritual level. And by spiritual level, I mean on top of the stove. Like I said, it was totally romantic.

Original post by Suzi

Scott Weiland the lead singer for Velvet Revolver and Stone Temple Pilots was arrested for DUI after crashing his car on an LA highway, according to TMZ:

While the California Highway Patrol was investigating the non-injury wreck, they noticed Weiland appeared to be impaired. (Um … ya think?) According to the police report, Weiland failed sobriety tests and refused to take a blood or urine test.

Scott Weiland was arrested for driving under the influence of a drug which makes this his third freaking DUI. And yet he gets to hang out with Slash while I’m stuck playing Guitar Hero naked in my living room. Lame. Slash and I should be filling a hotel room full of strippers, instead of me sitting here wondering why if my penis can learn how to play the guitar. It can’t be more difficult than driving me home from the bar every night.

Original post by Suzi

These pictures of Jennifer Lopez were taken last night, and they answer my burning question of what J-Lo would look like if she were super pregnant and standing next to Skeletor. Now I finally know and it turned out to be way more sweaty and awkward then I could’ve possibly imagined. Awesome. I guess being pregnant isn’t so bad after all. I don’t see why women (i.e. my girlfriend) complain about it all the time (i.e. when I’m watching TV). You get to play Whale-Woman, Queen of the Bitchy Faces. C’mon, that looks like a blast! Or, okay, you can start crying and throw an entire bookcase at me. That seems like fun too.

Original post by Suzi

Amy Winehouse was spotted early this morning wandering around her house in nothing but jeans and a bra. She had spent the night partying with friends, and, surprise, when Amy got home she seemed a bit out of it, according to a source for The Sun:

“Amy came out and started stumbling around. She popped her head over the fence like she was looking for something. It was freezing and she had no shoes and just a red bra. She was mumbling something incomprehensible. It wasn’t the behaviour of someone in the right state of mind.”

But a spokesperson for Amy Winehouse claims it’s all just a misunderstanding:

“Amy had been asleep and heard a noise. She went outside to investigate. She didn’t realise the time.”

I wonder if Amy Winehouse’s publicist is at the point where she just gives random excuses for Amy’s behavior. Why did your client ride a giraffe into a police station? She forgot to turn her oven off. Why did a bulldozer drop a pile of cocaine into Amy Winehouse’s mouth outside of a church? Uh, Babe Ruth. Why did Amy punch a pregnant woman at her last show? Tuna fish sandwich, I dunno. It’s because of the drugs, you bloody idiot! Why are you still calling me? I was replaced with a box of Cocoa Puffs last week. There was even a press conference. It was five full minutes of Amy dumping cereal on a stray cat which, I’ll admit, was by far the sanest thing I’ve seen her do.

Original post by Suzi

Tara Reid arrived in Sydney, Australia on Saturday and apparently aged 30 years during the flight. Jesus, she looks likes she should be working the concession stand at a Bingo tournament. And then after work she can go home to her trailer in Orlando filled with cats, empty gin bottles, and put on a tattered bathrobe that says “Sassy” on the back. The government should put Tara Reid’s face on cartons of cigarettes. Not only will people immediately stop smoking, they’ll buy packs just to throw out their car window onto the freeway. You know, in case voodoo really works.

Original post by Suzi

Paris Hilton got into the wrong SUV while leaving Crimson nightclub over the weekend. She had to climb over some poor bastard to get out. While this sorry son of a bitch had to go home and burn his clothes, and presumably his car, in the backyard, I’m left wondering; what the hell happened to Paris Hilton’s lips? Did she pay for those? If she wanted full and, uh, beautiful (?) lips, I would’ve done it for free. While some doctors with their fancy degrees might use collagen, I would’ve used a simple procedure on Paris called “anvil to the face.” Unfortunately, my work continues to be rejected by medical journals because, according to the letters, it would “make the field of medicine too goddamn awesome.” True story.

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears stopped by the Scandinavian Style Mansion during her 26th birthday festivities Saturday night. After partygoers sang “Happy Birthday” to Britney, Paris Hilton arrived and I’ll assume a chill was felt in the air. OK! Magazine reports:

Swarmed by paparazzi and excited guests, the celebutante seemed to get more attention than Britney had received. “Paris drank in the attention,” one witness tells OK!. “Posing for the camera and eating it up.”

Britney and Paris ended up making nice and partied the rest of the night at the Four Seasons. Hey, awesome, these two are hanging out. Vagina season started already? Shit, this is like finding out Hitler is still alive. Except this time around, instead of invading Europe, he’s trying to throw acid in your eyes. And he’s really good at it. Like mad good. You could be sitting at home; minding your own business. Then, bam! Your eyeball just got an acid sandwich. Ooh, that sneaky Hitler!

NOTE: I’m pretty sure that’s the most accurate metaphor of seeing Britney Spears vagina anyone has ever written. Kevin Federline probably read this and wept. He’s been there, man. And I just made him relive it with my words. They should really name a state after me.

Original post by Suzi