Tara Reid went on a harbor cruise from the Finger Wharf in Woolloomooloo in Sydney. I’m going to leave that sentence alone. Anyway, I’m always astounded when Tara Reid’s cleavage looks unreasonably decent instead of the hellish nightmare it truly is. But I still wouldn’t walk around with a face that says “Oh yeah, I’d hit that.” Which is clearly what the guy behind her is doing. May I suggest a safer alternative to rest your penis while in Australia, sir? Like the mouth of a crocodile. Or underneath the foot of a kangaroo.

Original post by Suzi

Keira Knightley posed “topless” for the latest issue of Interview magazine. She’s definitely soft on the eyes, though a bit too thin for my taste. Contrary to popular belief, I’m not into tying a rock to my lover so she doesn’t take flight in a slight breeze.

Original post by Suzi

The Spice Girls in defiance of all logic and reason have been on a comeback tour. They appeared at the 12th Victoria’s Secret Fashion show and had a concert in L.A. on Wednesday where they spoke to FOX News about their strictly “sisterly” love:

On being back together:
“All of us together again, it is like a marriage,” Geri “Ginger Spice” Halliwell told us. “You just learn to understand each other, celebrate the differences.”

On what goes down behind closed doors:
“We don’t fight and we don’t share clothes,” Melanie “Scary” Brown said. “And we don’t sleep together.”

On Scary Spice’s attempts to lesbi-fy things:
“She has tried it on us though,” Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham told Pop Tarts while pointing at Scary with arms entwined around Emma “Baby Spice” Bunton. “I’ve had to say ‘no’ so many times.”

On Geri Halliwell and I’s mutual obsession:
“I mean, could you imagine waking up to this (points to Scary’s body) every day of your life?” Geri laughed. “I just can’t stop staring at your boobs…”

I dream about the Spice Girl’s having lesbian orgies all the time. I mean, who doesn’t? In my fantasy Baby Spice just pulled off Posh Spice’s plastic head which upsets Ginger Spice causing her sick man abs to glow fire red. Ginger decides to Tae Bo Baby in the face then they make up by massaging each other inside a tank filled with pudding. But don’t think I left out Scary and Sporty Spice. Those two are having a kinky pillow fight over who gets to vacuum my apartment. I never really got to find out who wins because some idiot wanted to use the copier room to actually make copies. Then he had the nerve to ask me where my pants were. It’s none of your beeswax, Mr. CEO of the company.

Original post by Suzi

Keira Knightley attended the premiere of her new movie Atonement last night in L.A. What manner of dark wizardry is keeping the top of her dress on? It’s like it’s super-glued to her breasts, if that’s what we’re calling them. I don’t know if they meet the requirements to be classified as such. According to the dictionary I wrote: “The female breast must not protrude into the chest but rather out. It must also present itself post-haste for the predetermined price of one American dollar.” Sadly, the people at Webster didn’t see fit to adopt my definition. Philistines!

Original post by Suzi

Kiefer Sutherland is serving a 48-day sentence for DUI at Glendale City Jail. A spokesperson for the jail says Kiefer is a “model prisoner,” according to People:

“He’s not happy to be here,” Officer John Balian says, “but you can tell from his demeanor that he’s sorry and takes responsibility for what’s he’s done.”

Kiefer also serves meals to other inmates including a man recently arrested for attempting to murder four people:

“But we don’t put murderers or rapists who are awaiting trial in the same area as a guy convicted of a DUI,” Balian explains, adding that Sutherland, as an inmate worker, has access alone to one of three common rooms, each with a television.
The only interaction Sutherland will have with other inmates is when he slides a tray of food through slots in their cell doors.

Damn, that’s an intimidating mug shot. Just looking at it makes me want to divulge the location of those missiles. I mean, uh, my roommate’s missiles. He’ll say he has no idea how they got underneath his bed but don’t believe him. He’ll even try and say I download porn on his computer while he’s at work which is a bald-faced lie. That man has a disease no matter what his webcam will ultimately show me doing. I was using an old-fashioned butter churn. So I enjoy homemade dairy products, is that a crime?!

Original post by Suzi

Donald Trump wasn’t even in California the day a Santa Monica restaurant claims he left a $10,000 tip in order to outdo previous high-tipper producer Jerry Bruckheimer, according to Page Six:

“This was done by the stupid restaurant to get publicity,” he said. “. . . It’s not my signature.”

I guess this means Jerry Bruckheimer wins the “Whose dick is bigger?” contest by default. Apparently the Donald is comfortable with that. I wouldn’t be. I need to know everyday that my reproductive organs dwarf the man who brought us The Rock and Bad Boys. So that way, when my girlfriend asks if it’s in yet, I can respond, “Hey, you could be having sex with tiny Jerry Bruckheimer on top of a pile of cash.” Except when I tried that once, she said “Really?” and got dressed then left. I haven’t seen her since, but I hear she’s in a movie now. Not the response I was looking for which involved tears of repentance followed two minutes a vast eternity of pleasure later by a delicious sandwich.

Original post by Suzi

Local South Texas actress, Eva Longoria-Parker, is been named “Hispanic of the Year” by Hispanic Magazine.

All her works for the community were being acknowledged. Eva is into lot of charitable works. She is known to be the spokesperson for a group helping Hispanic children with cancer.

Not only this he has initiated “Eva’s Heroes” a San Antonio-based non-profit organization offering after school programs for kids with special needs.

Well, Eva that is very generous of you.

Original post by Chris