Kristen Bell won the award for “Hottest Newcomer” at the 2007 Spike Video Game Awards. Kristen was recognized for her work on the show Heroes and the video game Assassin’s Creed. Wow, Kristen Bell has invaded two of things I love: Heroes and video games. If she starts showing up inside beer bottles, I might have to marry her. But for now, I’m just going to keep my fingers cross that she invades something even more awesome: my pants.

Video of Kristen Bell receiving her award after the jump. (Warning: Contains Heidi and Spencer from The Hills. The Superficial is not liable for the brick you’ll throw through the monitor.)

Original post by Suzi

Paris Hilton attended a party at the Versace Mansion in Miami Saturday night. Paris didn’t seem to know anybody at the party, so she decided to pretend to talk on her cell phone, according to FOX News:

“It was interesting,” said our insider. “She didn’t know a lot of the people there and obviously felt uncomfortable, so she chatted away on her phone to phantom friends, at one point it even started to beep while she talking.”

It’s comforting to know that Paris Hilton is just a few steps away from becoming the crazy lady that walks down the street talking into her imaginary phone. In the meantime, I like how Paris shows up at these parties and no one has any idea what she’s doing there. I doubt someone’s planning an event and saying, “You know, I should invite Paris Hilton. She’s so full of insight and is quite the conversationalist.” If Paris actually said something useful just once, it would create a tear in the time/space continuum. I have no evidence to back that up except for the fact I got drunk this weekend and watched Back to the Future. So, actually, what I meant to say is I have all the evidence.

Original post by Suzi

Hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons hit the beach in Miami with his new girlfriend model Porschia Coleman over the weekend. I wish I was a funky-fresh millionaire with mad rhymes, so I could score chicks like Porschia. Instead I’ll have to settle for calf muscles you can fry an egg on. Omelet, anyone?

Original post by Suzi

Lindsay Lohan was spotted leaving a Beverly Hills house party with this interesting looking fellow on Saturday night. I can just hear this kid’s thoughts: “They all laughed at me. But this hair-do rocks! I totally just bagged a chick, and it’s Lindsay freaking Lohan! Goddamn it’s going to burn when I pee tomorrow, but it’ll be worth the smug looks on my D&D boys’ faces when they find out I’m the first to touch a vagina. Now for a night that’ll be like dry-humping an ashtray but with the added bonus of my lover’s voice sounding deeper than my own. Zippity-do-da!”

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears went clubbing with pal Alli Sims this weekend but not before making a pit stop at Starbucks where the paparazzi caught some shots of her transparent-ish shirt. If you look really hard at your monitor and kind of squint, you can almost see a nipple. Why someone would do that, I dunno. I just used a magnifying glass and the power of imagination. Sort of like how my girlfriend looks at my penis. She says it’s because she needs glasses, but then how did she win that archery contest the other day?

Original post by Suzi

Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick was sentenced today to 23 months in prison, according to TMZ. He pleaded guilty in August to participating in a dogfighting ring where several dogs were drowned or hung if they didn’t perform well in the fights or were injured. Well, it looks justice has been served because Michael Vick is the one in the doghouse now! Zing! Did you see that? I make it look so easy, but I’ve seen men lose a limb trying to dish out that level of wordplay.

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears did a little shopping this weekend and a little shoplifting. While checking out at a Van Nuys gas station Britney was approached by a cameraman and asked how she was doing. While he was taping, Britney got a bit pissy with him then decided to up and gank a lighter. She’s seen walking out and saying “I stole something. Oh, I’m bad. Ohhhhh!” before getting in her car.

The crazy part is the owner of the gas station doesn’t want to press charges and wants Britney to keep coming back, according to TMZ. Which begs the question just what is the profit margin on gas station burritos and how many is Britney buying? Or has Britney committed to having all her future dates at this dude’s station? You know, next to the tire pump for ultimate romance.

Original post by Suzi