Hayden Panettiere went Christmas shopping with her mom in New York City yesterday. She’s seen sporting some tall-ass boots with her short skirt. Now that’s some holiday cheer. But you know what isn’t full of holiday cheer? Having your wife come home early to find you’ve been dressing the tree in Hayden’s cheerleading outfit. That’s full of holiday divorce. Clearly she didn’t think it was cute that I blamed the dry cleaners for using too much starch on the tree skirt. In hindsight, I’m surprised she wasn’t tipped off the day I folded it into a coffee table and stood on it to change some light bulbs.

Original post by Suzi

Heidi Montag of MTV’s The Hills stepped out of Koi last night and decided to give the paparazzi an impromptu and obviously unsolicited performance from her upcoming album. Sadly afterwards, Santa Claus didn’t land his sled on top of her face signifying that, once again, I’m not getting a damn thing I want for Christmas.

Original post by Suzi

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s use of fur has severely pissed off PETA. Today they launched a new website named by, I’m guessing, an 8-year-old. It’s called “Meet the Trollsen’s,” and it lays out the animal lovers hatred for the stick-figured ones:

Some say that Hairy-Kate and Trashley are guilty of offending their fans with some major fashion boo-boos, but here at peta2, we think that’s the understatement of the year! The twins’ heartless decision to wear fur and include it in their new fashion line, The Row (more like “Death Row”), is worse than a fashion no-no—it’s cruelty to animals. The Trollsens have ignored our pleas to stop wearing fur—and have since added horribly ugly fur items to their new clothing line.

The above video answers “yes” to the age-old question of “Can Full House become even more unwatchable?” If you didn’t know who Futureman was before, get ready to earnestly wish you still didn’t. Now excuse me while I write a letter to PETA demanding they stick to ads featuring nude celebrity asses or else I start picking off manatees.

Original post by Suzi

Here’s an exclusive video of Tila Tequila all strippered-out while fighting another stripper. She’s like a midget in lingerie that knocks over your makeup, which is freaky in and of itself. I don’t know what lie was told to inspire this sexy leprechaun to fly off the handle, but I’m intrigued by the plot. I give it two thumbs up. Mostly for the stripper-matography.

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears is back to wearing her pink wig again and was spotted late last night outside the Hustler Store where she allegedly shoplifted a pair of panties a few weeks ago. I have absolutely no clue what she’s wearing, but after seeing Britney’s outfit, I’m now convinced she deserves to have her kids back. Sean and Jayden are being robbed of seeing a role model in her prime. Where else will they learn how to act like a caffeinated moron with a porn addiction? On the school bus? I don’t think so. That’s a lesson Britney’s kids should learn at home from their mother. But, you know, after they play inside her Frappucino cup fort and drink sippy cups full of gin. That’s just smart parenting.

Original post by Suzi

The creepy corpse known as Janice Dickinson appeared on The Today Show (pic above links to video) yesterday and defended Jennifer Love Hewitt. Janice flapped her collagen lips while describing Jennifer as “healthy” and claiming she was photographed in her bikini at “unflattering angles.” Then Janice dropped the bomb on who she really thinks is fat:

“You want to see someone who’s fat, I’m sorry, Tyra, Tyra Banks is fat.”

Somewhere Tyra Banks put down a turkey leg and went, “Oh, no, she didn’t!” Meanwhile, across the country, Jennifer Love Hewitt awoke from her nap. Someone dropped a turkey leg. Where are her keys?!

Original post by Suzi

Paris Hilton rescued an Oompa Loompa yesterday. Okay, maybe not a real Ooompa Loompa but a little person named Robin Sherwood dressed up as one for a performance at Cameo nightclub. Robin, who is a friend of Paris, had his leg sliced when the crown rushed the stage, according to NY Daily News:

“Paris screamed for help and jumped up to move everyone away from him,” says our witness. “She held Robin’s hand and said the sweetest things to keep him calm. She stayed with him until he was safely in the ambulance on his way to the hospital.”

Paris and her sister Nicky have known Robin for years and have been trying to get a kidney transplant for him. So there is a humanitarian side to Paris after all. It almost makes me regret all those things I said about her. That is if I were capable of regret. Unfortunately it’s not in my genetic code. Instead, in its place, I have an extra gene for luscious pecs. It’s science. You can’t make that stuff up.

Original post by Suzi