Ice-T and his wife Coco attended the premiere of I Am Legend last night in New York. While my first thought seeing these photos is wishing Ice-T suddenly became invisible, I’ve got to wonder what sex is like with those gargantuan breasts. I know, if I were trapped underneath them, I’d be screaming bloody murder and praying for a quick death. Not because of the boobs. That’s just my natural reaction to the thought of marriage. OH, GOD, KILL ME! See? It’s all reflex.

Original post by Suzi

I couldn’t resist posting this picture of Duane “Dog” Chapman grabbing a smoke outside of a Greenwich Village restaurant yesterday. The dude has pretty much fallen off the face of the planet since the whole N-word debacle. But I know that scientifically can’t be possible because his wife’s breasts are still blocking the sun allowing the Earth to enjoy eight hours of darkness.

Original post by Suzi

Kiefer Sutherland is being bombarded with fan mail while serving his sentence in Glendale City Jail, according to People:

“The guy’s been getting a ton of fan mail,” says Officer John Balian, spokesman for the Glendale City Jail. “Easily more than 100 letters a day.”

Damn, 100 letters a day! I hope he gets mine. Just in case, I better post it here:

Dear Jack Bauer,

Upon completing your undercover mission doing laundry in prison, I feel it’s time for us to combine forces and really battle terrorism. I’ve already set up a base of operations. It may just be my parent’s carport stuffed full of Nerf guns, but I feel that with enough whiskey (AKA Jack Baeur’s terror-fighting juice.) we can effectively take down Al Qaeda. Or at least shoot my dad in the forehead with a dart. That son of a bitch made me mow the yard.

Go America!

The Superficial Writer

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears will be questioned in court today by Kevin Federline’s lawyers. She has avoided a deposition four times so far this year, but Kevin’s lawyers finally got the judge to put Britney on the stand. She’ll be drilled on her drug and alcohol use and parenting skills. The process could take several days, according to People:

“A deposition can be emotionally draining, because Kevin’s lawyer can ask very personal questions about her relationship with her kids – and she’ll be under oath,” explains L.A. family lawyer Lynn Soodik, who’s not involved with the case.

This should be some hardcore legal action that makes Law & Order look like your sister’s bike. Pink and fruity but you’ll still ride it to work. Anyway, I’m hoping to see Kevin Federline’s attorneys ask Britney Spears the tough question: When will she show her vagina again? Not that I want to see it or anything. I just happen to have a tarp I’d like to throw over it then possibly hold in place with a staple gun. I guess you can say I’m trying to live up to this WWJD bracelet I stole from a stripper.

UPDATE: Britney Spears is not attending the court hearing today citing a medical condition. Kevin’s lawyers are pissed, according to TMZ. I, on the other hand, think it’s cute they thought Britney would show up without being told there’d be a petting zoo.

Original post by Suzi

Britney Spears will be questioned in court today by Kevin Federline’s lawyers. She has avoided a deposition four times so far this year, but Kevin’s lawyers finally got the judge to put Britney on the stand. She’ll be drilled on her drug and alcohol use and parenting skills. The process could take several days, according to People:

“A deposition can be emotionally draining, because Kevin’s lawyer can ask very personal questions about her relationship with her kids – and she’ll be under oath,” explains L.A. family lawyer Lynn Soodik, who’s not involved with the case.

This should be some hardcore legal action that makes Law & Order look like your sister’s bike. Pink and fruity but you’ll still ride it to work. Anyway, I’m hoping to see Kevin Federline’s attorneys ask Britney Spears the tough question: When will she show her vagina again? Not that I want to see it or anything. I just happen to have a tarp I’d like to throw over it then possibly hold in place with a staple gun. I guess you can say I’m trying to live up to this WWJD bracelet I stole from a stripper.

UPDATE: Britney Spears is not attending the court hearing today citing a medical condition. Kevin’s lawyers are pissed, according to TMZ. I, on the other hand, think it’s cute they thought Britney would show up without being told there’d be a petting zoo.

Original post by Suzi

Colombian model Sofia Vergara went for the cowgirl look as she shopped around Miami Beach last night. I’d love to ride off with her into the sunset. It’s a simple dream, really. A quiet dream. An American dream. And it involves a hot Colombian woman using me like a mechanical bull where your quarter runs out real fast. In fact, you haven’t even gotten on yet and it’s already asleep.

Original post by Suzi

Shia LeBeouf appeared in court today to find out his misdemeanor charges for trespassing have been dropped. He was picked up by the police at a Chicago Walgreens after workers repeatedly told the young actor to leave because he appeared drunk. TMZ reports:

Shia showed up in court this morning to receive the good news — Walgreens does not want to pursue charges against him.
Shia’s attorney tells TMZ the actor is “happy to put this behind him and get back to work .”

Awesome. They freed Shia, so now I can stop my Walgreens boycott. I was getting kind of tired buying all my condoms from a truck-stop restroom. Four quarters for one rubber; that’s highway robbery. It’s also a lot of money for something I’m just going to pretend to wear. Then I go home in the morning, fill it full of water and chuck it at my roommate while he’s sleeping. What? You want him to be late for work? That’s not being a good roomie.

Original post by Suzi